Personally, I think it's impressive that you were able to act so quickly to protect yourself from the craziness. It shows you have strong boundaries and a good sense of self-worth. I certainly wish I'd been able to set some boundaries sooner--in my case one of the lessons I needed to learn was how to keep saying "No" after being ignored. And, looking around this place, establishing and enforcing boundaries seems to be one of the biggest stumbling blocks.
It makes me sad when I see posts by people who claim that their marriages were perfect until the bomb, and now some evil wench has seduced their hapless H. A good marriage requires conscious work--so if everything was sugar and sunshine, how aware were they really of its weaknesses? On my day of realizations, I also recognized that if I chose to rail against OW, it would only be because it was less painful than fully admitting the depth of my hurt at H's betrayal. Later, I could see that he felt an instantaneous connection with OW only because she was the first woman who came along whose negative energy matched his own, and who could distract him from his depression by letting him try to rescue her from her drama. So it's healthy you were able to sidestep a lot of these mental traps.
As for making changes to how you behave in a relationship, I think identifying behaviours which haven't worked for you is the most significant first step. And chances are good that you'll meet another guy, when you're ready; I certainly hope you do! Life seems to have a way of testing all the changes we try to make (and that's especially true for the MLCer!!), which supports my hope for you.
You said the other day that you didn't think your H will ever apologize for his treatment of you. That's a painful thought, especially after all you shared. From what I've read, many do express shame or regret, often years later. The ones who don't are the miserable, broken ones who never come to terms with themselves (or are too stubborn to admit their mistakes). But if you're basing your assumption on how entitled he feels now, that could be temporary. I remember, part way through my H's MLC, wondering why I'd never noticed that selfishness was his dominating characteristic. Now, he can still become quite caught up in his own feelings and needs, so self-absorption is one of his traits, but that's balanced out by other, better traits--it's never at the negative level it was for a few years there. Would it help you move on to get an apology at some poin?
Your bear experience sounds quite terrifying, especially as you were so small still! You were lucky that night. I liked camping as a kid and teenager, and until I became a mom it was still a pretty spontaneous thing. As a mom, though, it's a totally different experience, involving far too much pre-planning, packing, and laundry afterwards, and not enough running water and comfy chairs during. Still, I guess we should let the kids discover how much they like it for themselves, because it's supposed to be a part of childhood, right?
