Any relationships you have don't matter once divorce and/or seperation papers are filed. If you try to hide Gym Lady, that sends up red flags. Because ex admitted to having a girlfriend it was no big deal.
If your lawyer is deposing her and the SSLBPOS isn't that done in the lawyer's office? I'm sure a subpeona would get the SSLBPOS's attention since that is transcribed. Does that mean they'll depose you, too?
Was your spouse aware of you trying to "check out"? You could always do a consult saying you're considering divorce with a different attorney and ask him/her that question. Once your lawyer knows it effects their direction. That's vital to know.
What actions did you take after your attempt? Were you under medical care, counseling, etc? People can do pretty destructive things to themselves when faced with major emotional upheaval. What's done afterward can make the biggest impression.
Only you can decide what to tell Gym Lady. You're still legally married/separated. Your emotions go through another loop once the divorce heats up and another when it is final. If it bugs you that much, tell her but be prepared for her response one way or the other. If this is a 'here and now' relationship, go with the flow.
*hugs*
PS.. Have you found the larger apartment yet? It works for you with your financial affidavit, along with giving the kids more room. The limited size of your apartment could be used against you as inadequate.
Yes, I spent some time in the "silly hospital" about 9 days. The worst 9 days of my life. After my discharge, it became more and more apparent that she was seeing this guy.
Volunteering to deploy and getting through all of the paperwork to do that was a great thing for me, and gave me more strength than I could imagine, which continued when I returned.
I was not the one scre*ing my boss when she was in Iraq.
Gym lady is more than just a "here and now". Things are going really well there. She is a wonderful woman who has told me she is very much in love with me...it feels great.
A side issue re. your wife's "activities".....Is CT a state where adultery is grounds for divorce? In my state it's a no fault state so adultery is irrelevant. Not sure the judge would make a decision on alimony based on that info or not.
Isn't it more important about the ability of your wife to support herself? She is very capable of that! Can you concentrate of her level of education and abilities. In my state they call it "maintance" and it's usually given to help the person get a good job,etc, not for support for the rest of one's life. Of course, length of marriage and "the lifestyle she has grown accustomed to" may also play a role.
It doesn't seem fair since SHE was the one that started the divorce!!!!!
FLTC, I'm glad to hear things are going well with Gym Lady but doesn't it scare the hell out of you to be that close to someone again? The smoke hasn't even cleared the battlefield yet! I'm a year and a half into this and honestly the thought of being close to a woman again scares the crap out of me! Maybe it's just me, I dunno!
It can impact receipt of alimony only if it can be proved that the adultery was THE major cause of the marriage breakdown, a tough burden of proof. I think it may just be my attorney's way of smacking her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. He has HAD it with her. The mediator told his paralegal that she is CRAZY!!
I'm not sure I have the stomach for this, but she is like Freddy Kruger....she won't die!!!!!! The hand keeps coming out of the lake! She is a CLASSIC bully, and the only way to take on a bully is to punch them right in the "snot locker".
wii,
I never planned to get as close to her as I am, it just happened. I pretty much thought I would NEVER want to be involved with anyone for a LONG time, but it just evolved. She went through a bad time herself a long time ago, and has dated some (in her words) "creepers" over the years, including a guy who lived with his mother!
It may be my "normality" (or what passes for normality!) that attracted her. She has made no secret how she feels about us being together. She has told me she thought she would never find anyone that she was crazy about.
She even said she thought when she was married that she married the wrong guy. She has been a Godsend in helping me with my crazy STBX. I treat her with a great deal of respect and take good care of her. I won't drop the ball on "Not filling love tanks" ever again. I did try and learn from my failed marriage. It's never 100% anyone's fault (usually)
Also, although your wife and my STBX are very similar, she can talk with you at times, and you can be together. MY STBX is miserable all the time.
You may have not yet fully detached either. You still do a lot of things with her and your kids, so it is tough to totally disengage.
I can't wait to unload her! There IS no more emotion for her. It's ALL business now. Her involvement with her boss more than solidified my pity for and disgust toward her. It took me a LOONNNGGGGG time to get here....about 4 years, since she asked for a divorce on July 31st, 2005. If you could read my posts from 05-06, you would see I was a totally broken man at the hands of a very abusive wife.
I must have been crazy to let her do that to me, and have my kids see a shell of a man who they had come to admire. When I almost checked out, I severely rocked their world. Unless you've been in that abyss, however, you can never judge.
, I would imagine I'll have to share this with him. I can see Gym Lady being subpoenaed at some point and having THAT come
If "that" comes out, if Gym lady is a woman of substance, it won't matter to her, it would've matter tome if I learn of something like that from someone I was serious about... actually now that I remember, at time we were dating stbx told me how he had serious thoughts of suicide, I understood where the pain came from and never judge him for it nor thought about it again, I loved who he was then.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Just when I think things are going OK, STBX comes out of the lake like Freddy Kruegar!
I received a text from her on Tuesday telling me S10 was sick and not able to go to school. I have taken the last two times off that he has been sick, and have been out of work a ton of days already (after being away for 18 months!) She informed me that D16 had 4 appointments with shrinks and she couldn't care for S10. FIRST I HEARD OF THE APPOINTMENTS! I told her no. She puts S10 on the phone to tell me he's sick, and refused to talk to me. I explained to S10 I couldn't take a day off, because I missed so much work already.
STBX then sends me a bill for $500 for doctors visit. She took D16 to shrinks that I TOLD her not to because they work with kids in my school, and I don't want "my two worlds colliding"
I also cashed a $1500 check for medical reimbursement and put it in my account. She demanded I give it baack to her because she paid with "her own money". MY lawyer told her to file a petition.
Now yesterday, she informed me that D16 has been accepted back into treatment for her bulimia, and "we had to pay as we went"! I knew D16 needed to go back ino therapy, but I DID NOT know we had to pay as we go.
I had enough. I told her that there was 112K in the bank that are "marital assets" and that she had to use that money. If she couldn't, I can't afford to pay for it. I'm going to have to go to court to use "her" money, which I mostly gave her! I hope no judge around would deny me using this money for health care or school tuition. IT'S NOT HER MONEY! IT'S MARITAL ASSETS! MAKE THE BAD LADY GO AWAY!!!!!!!
Ugh... below is lots of 'fixing'.. toss as desired.
If it's all business, she's not Freddy Kruger. She's an adversary, period.
Let your lawyer go after the marital assets. That's what they're there for. They know the law. Don't encourage your lawyer to think she's wacko. Just listen and nod. You want your lawyer's attention to be on making the best deal for you. Her actions may encourage him/her to add some oomph.. but you don't want your spouse distracting your lawyer from their primary task.
Bullies bully. Your spouse is with a man who knows how to work the system. Your lawyer knows how things work, too. Send an email a day with all your salient points as needed.
The 18 months was a service to the country. How can that be held against you? If you're concerned about missing work, have a backup for caring for your child/children. Show you've exceeded the amount of 'free' time in relationship to your spouse's.
Care for your troubled daughter is a priority which should be greater than any squabbling. Your spouse probably feels like she's alone in dealing with this and is carrying the burden.
Worlds collide all the time in divorce. Professionals are professional. The best care for your daughter is what's important. If your wife is doing all the foot work what she says goes.
It's great to hear you're in a much better place. Love is a beautiful thing. Gym Lady has had years to process her divorce and find her way as an unmarried, single woman. You still have a load of crap on your plate.. the adversarial divorce, your daughter's illness, money problems along with the beauty of knowing Gym Lady. The more you clean your plate of muck, the better you are to develop a balanced relationship with her.
*hugs*
And get out of that rat hole where you live. It works against you in the divorce (because your monthly expenses are so low) and is not a place you'd want your children to live long term.
She carries the burden because NOTHING I DO IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH. All of this is on her own, never a phone call, and when I call it's pure hell. She is totally miserable to try and even talk with.
