I want you to go out with her Saturday night, too, and the reason why is this. She may HAVE been having an affair, but I am not so sure she is in the middle one NOW.
I think right now she is torn. She loves you and maybe realizes a bit of the mistake she has made (from her words and some of her actions, cause she's there all the time). But you don't know what all happened while you were gone. So she justifies walking away because you don't know the whole truth. And since she doesn't think you will forgive her, but mostly because SHE CAN'T FORGIVE HERSELF, she keeps moving forward with her stupid plan. Because she doesn't know what else to do. She moved out, she gets a divorce, she moves on....it's a clear path. It may not feel quite right, but it's a path. Then there is the other path, where she tells you...and then she doesn't know for sure what happens. She loses control because she can't control how you will react or how she will feel once you know the truth. Just try...really hard...to put yourself in her shoes...consider yourself doing what you think she did....can you see then how she got where she is? Can you see why she is confused? The trouble for her is she loves your daughter and loves you, but doesn't know how to find her way back and isn't sure of the path...mostly "what will happen?"
I am sure your patience is wearing thin. But at this point, you are the one with all the time. I know others said don't pressure, but I will tell you that my H pressuring me is what got me to finally open up. It was 11pm. I was tired. He called. We argued. He called me on it. I admitted. I was tired of the lying. I'd already gotten rid of OM. I won't say this will work for you. You have to understand that I was DONE with the lying and everything else. At that point I didn't think I wanted my H back, but I was just tired of....all of it.
We kept doing things during all of this. We took D4 trick or treating. We were still sleeping together on occasion. We talked every day and emailed, too.
Dunno. Good luck.
melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
