I agree, you have grown tremendous amounts. All of us can learn from you. I think the fact there's been no mention of D is great. She maybe thinking "Holy crap, what have I done?" But now it's the 800 pound gorilla in the room and you don't want to feed or even get close to it. Understandable and good call.
How about this: Do something sort of unexpected all things considered. Plan a night out for you and the kids and invite her...like an after thought maybe.....make sure she knows you and the Mr. Lost Clan are going no matter what. Say to her "I think we both need to hit the release valve here.....if you want to come, we'd love to have you, but if you have plans or your not up for it, we'll be home at X time." And go from there. Get her to have fun with you. Be a goof ball.
