Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing

[Thinker]

Yeah, his scooter fit him a bit better than mine did

Anyway, still trying to understand what is going on with my W. We have kind of coexisted for a few days with her getting more and more withdrawn. She is still meeting with friends, talking on the phone, etc., but just not responding to or even interacting with me in any real way.

It's a bit difficult for me to understand, because when I am in pain, I want and actively look for support and contact. I can't imaging going through what she is going through and pulling away from support. Intellectually, I know that things are different, and that she is not feeling comfortable around me and that she is dealing with some strong emotions regarding her parents, but still I can't imagine pulling away from support when you are hurting.

So I am not taking it personally, and I am trying hard not to make any assumptions about what she is thinking or what she is going through or what any of it means. I'm focusing on myself, and watching the way that I interact with her and with others.

In general, I have decided that I need to be stronger and less hesitant in my interactions with her. I have traditionally tried carefully to feel out her mood and potential response before doing anything. and I now realize that this appears pretty weak and not like someone she would want to rely on - more like someone to step on

I'm not going overboard with this - especially in her current state, but for example this morning (after we were awake, but before getting up) I told her "I know that the situation with your mom is really bad and that you are really hurting. I don't need anything from you. I don't want anything from you. I just want to help where I can. Please don't push me away." and pulled her into a hug for a few minutes. She responded and relaxed - I think even slept for a few minutes, and then pulled away again. At least that is better than the "Don't! I don't want to snuggle!" that I have gotten before.

I'm not sure if this qualifies as pursuing...it's a pretty fine line to walk. I do believe that If I pull back completely and immerse myself in my own stuff, then that would just be confirmation to her that the old me (self absorbed and not emotionally there for her) is still around.

Open to feedback...