Had another DB telephone counseling session-planning on focusing on me, distancing for next 3 weeks a bit-not being so available, staying positive around H. Sounds very challenging when I write it out! Any gestures I make for closeness aren't reciprocated, so I think distancing is a good idea. I'm still foused mentally on the OW and feeling threatened, although I don't think he's seen her since 3/22(because she has her kids this week). Just not feeling so positive today. I hope to start tomorrow fresh-we should get some snow!
KJ, You are right in that the adjustments you will need to make are challenging. One of the strengths of the DB approach is that we continually (not daily) monitor and adjust our approach.
It sounds like some distancing is in order for you. One of the ways we make ourselves suffer is by trying to influence a situation or our spouses, when they are beyond are influence, in the short term. We delude ourselves that there is something we can do to change the situation.
Acceptance (being present without judging, clinging, or resisting) is a challenge, but it's essential.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
