Ugh... below is lots of 'fixing'.. toss as desired.
If it's all business, she's not Freddy Kruger. She's an adversary, period.
Let your lawyer go after the marital assets. That's what they're there for. They know the law. Don't encourage your lawyer to think she's wacko. Just listen and nod. You want your lawyer's attention to be on making the best deal for you. Her actions may encourage him/her to add some oomph.. but you don't want your spouse distracting your lawyer from their primary task.
Bullies bully. Your spouse is with a man who knows how to work the system. Your lawyer knows how things work, too. Send an email a day with all your salient points as needed.
The 18 months was a service to the country. How can that be held against you? If you're concerned about missing work, have a backup for caring for your child/children. Show you've exceeded the amount of 'free' time in relationship to your spouse's.
Care for your troubled daughter is a priority which should be greater than any squabbling. Your spouse probably feels like she's alone in dealing with this and is carrying the burden.
Worlds collide all the time in divorce. Professionals are professional. The best care for your daughter is what's important. If your wife is doing all the foot work what she says goes.
It's great to hear you're in a much better place. Love is a beautiful thing. Gym Lady has had years to process her divorce and find her way as an unmarried, single woman. You still have a load of crap on your plate.. the adversarial divorce, your daughter's illness, money problems along with the beauty of knowing Gym Lady. The more you clean your plate of muck, the better you are to develop a balanced relationship with her.
*hugs*
And get out of that rat hole where you live. It works against you in the divorce (because your monthly expenses are so low) and is not a place you'd want your children to live long term.
