IMHO Michele really needs to change the header of this website it is misleading, we all see these big bold letters and think it is a saving grace...to mend and heal our broken hearts and think it offers salvation to something that we hold sacred... that being both sides of the coin in most cases the WAS just doesn't know what else to do they and believe me are hurting JUST as MUCH as the LBS in most cases, they are confused, hurt, and scared also. If you read what Michele says in the beginning this is a site to help save OURSELVES give us the tools to see OUR part and to accept it and to change it and become the best person we can be and if in the end these tools that we come to learn help us to our goals and if on the off chance it salvages our M then it is a double win sitch. If not then we are better for it and can accept it and go on. She even states there are no guarantees.
All sitch's are the same and just as different as night and day. We ALL make mistakes we ALL backslide, this is not a science but a theroy we are working with. NO one comes on here and post's to be mean or cruel. Tough love is hard to handle sometimes, but that is what you will get. We can all attest to the amount of splinters our bodies contain for slips. The point here ie. Mike ALWAYS states to anybody he post's to that he makes no excuses for his approach that he will come at you be it with 'atta boys' or with the big 'swinging wood of Tenn.' my question to you is would you want advice sugar coated or honest?
The thing to remember is this is NOT about our marriages it is about US pure and simple and that so often gets forgotten this place (and I might take heat for this) is truely not about saving the M as I said earlier it's about saving the person. Your sitch is far better off then some and worse than others. Yes it sucks to be in the same house with someone that is unsure of their feelings most of us have walked this walk, for the most part they aren't doing it to be hurtful, as I said before they are no different than us at this point, they are taking it day by day also.
Yes it gets frustrating, but that is the simple point of detachment. The WAS will lash out will bait you to reinforce the thought process, but as SMW would say 'that is the Devil at work testing your committment' and as Forrest would say if it gets to you then you need to 'do work', as the saying goes noone said life was fair as well sometimes M isn't either for better or worse I think are part of the vows.
You are not an unintelligent person you are just hurting, we get that, as most of us that have been here for awhile one of the first things we ask is are you willing to do what it takes to make it work? If yes then the next step is to roll up your sleeves cause it didn't take a day to get to this point and it won't take a day to fix it. I was asked a question when I came on here almost right off the bat when I didn't understand things and was frustrated and wanting to give up, and that question is what I live by...the question was 'can you put a time limit on your family?' So my thing here is I challange you to ask yourself that question everytime you get angry or frustrated.
MB...you have alot of positives going, anytime you feel like you need to do something ask yourself...will it bring me closer to my goal or push me further away?? If that doesn't work then give yourself the 48 hr. rule, my adage has always been...don't react but act of your own accord. Don't start backsliding now or as sure as the sun rises in the East you will bring out more wood than you can burn and that is done out of TOUGH LOVE so pick yourself up dust your knees off and keep working on yourself...
