I appreciate your ability to verbalize some views to help see things in a different way. Some of your questions come up because you haven't been around for all of my stitch and there's much you don't know. I can't hold that against you - I asked you to jump in without much information. Superficially you have good points and you have taken a big risk because I asked you - so I know you care.
A few points to clarify - yes I do know for a fact that he has issues which is why he has been in and out of therapy most of his life. Secondly, he has been an active alcoholic most of his life and only tried to stop since we have been together. I don't want to go into other details about his life here - because I don't really wish to dishonor him publicly.
Having said this, I wanted to bring people up to date. This a.m. he approached me at work again - angry and wanting to talk. I asked politely if he could wait til the evening and I would call him. He stormed out and practically threw his ring.
I don't know how I stayed calm. Tonight he called me first, he sounded very different. He told me several things: 1) he was ashamed of his behavior today and apologized, 2) he wants to work on getting back together,3) he wanted me to know how important I am to him, 4) he wants the chance to show me that he can treat me much better than he has, 5) he is asking to build a friendship and asks for only spending "some" time together occassionally, 6) he knows it will take time to change his behavior but he is getting help from three sources now. He was calm, polite, listened, and asked vs demanded everything. He even allowed room for input. When I gave him positive feedback for his efforts, he heard me! He felt good about it! and he thanked me for not giving up on him.
I am cautious, but these have been the gradual changes I have noted in some of our exchanges in the past month despite the negative behaviors still being there. He expressed a huge awareness of his negative behaviors and how much he dislikes them and understands why I don't like them either.
So, I think baby steps have occurred on his part. I finally heard some things that I have been waiting to hear for a long time. Thanks to exhaustive support I have had here, I did not quit and may be seeing a corner turned.
Silva, I send you more thanks just to get to this point. Regardless of where this goes or not - I realized today that I am OK and it has a lot to do with your support and protectiveness. You have seen parts of me that I forget are there sometimes. You have pushed me to expect more. Reminded me of my strengths. Mostly you just plain cared and gave me some of your precious time and thoughts.(not to mention many laughs)Li
SO2, I couldn't be at this point without you, because you remind me so much of how I feel - it stinks some of the time - but you still care. It forced me to find the middle ground, to find the place where love and sensibility intersect. Struggling with you and your stitch, pushes me to consider my feelings, the options I have, and to make decisions I can live with.
