Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. Been a busy day.
Well, you're going to break the rules from time to time. The rules are really like very heavy guidelines. Since no two people are the same and all Rs consist of two people there can be no one exact foolproof way to do it. The important thing is that even though you "broke the rules" you got a positive response. Now it would be best to just drop that for now. Let it go, and move ahead with your DBing.
I can tell you what I've seen from your posts in the other topic and here that things are looking up for you. Your H seems to be reaching out in his own way and he seems to be making his feelings a bit more known than he did in the past.
The thing to remember with guys is that if a guy is going to answer your question he's going to answer what you asked him. You asked him if he wanted to be with the girl and he told you no. Chances are he isn't going to say "because I want to be with you" because to a guy he's already said it. He knows that you asked him that in regards to her vs. your R. So by saying no he's saying "because I want to be with you." At least that's how it would appear to me.
Still, just keep doing the 180s and keep doing things for you. You need to keep taking care of yourself (I know it can seem difficult at times) and stay upbeat and positive.
Here's something else to think about...
The hardest thing for me to grasp is that when you visibly let the problems effect you, you empower the other person. Not necessarily consciously, but the entire M now rests in that person's hands. They can approve of fixing it or destroy it. Either way, you have no say in either. So they hold all of the power.
However, it doesn't have to be that way. You have to give it to them. I know I did. I would get upset and pursue my wife, trying everything I could to make her see that D was the wrong idea. In the end, I pushed her towards it.
If you think about it there is truly very little control we have over our lives. There's always a million factors that can change anything for better or worse. In this day of failing economies and lay-offs nothing is guaranteed, regardless of your work history or experience. However, in chaotic times when we find that one thing that we can control, that one decision we can make that will change our lives in a huge way and this change comes completely from our own decision and action...well, that kind of control can seem to be very empowering and attractive. I think the decision to leave or divorce offers that kind of control, despite the fact that the promise itself is based entirely in falsehood.
So the way to combat the attraction of this control is not let H's decision visibly effect your life. If you do, you run the risk of handing him more control. However, if you continue to move in a positive direction despite this decision, you are exposing the falsities of this control's promise.
