WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[MrBond]

"I noticed that tonite. I am scared for her. That is no way to live life. I just don't know how to help her."

That's the thing. You CAN'T help her. She's got to be the one to help herself. AN is right in that you've got to stop being the problem solver and drop the rope. Remember the stray dog analogy. You push to much and she takes off.

Right now she's shut down because she doesn't understand what the heck is going on with her. She doesn't think she has the problem and is trying to do everything herself without really understanding what's going on. Typical MLC stuff.

You can show her compassion by understanding her confusion. She doesn't know why she feels trapped, she just knows she has to leave. She has to get to the point where she understands why she feels trapped in the first place. Only then can she truly feel "free".

If she chooses to leave, you can't stop her and it would go against everything you told her about wanting to be happy. So let her go and talk to her if she talks first. Don't bring anything about the kids or your feelings up to her. She can't be guilted into coming back. She has to learn through experience.

Pick up clues from what she tells you and write them down as you have been. Try understanding her more from the little tidbits she tells you.