it must be also tough to have it happen so quickly. The adjustment and everything. Do you feel you are ready at this point?
Hi, Karen,
NC has the waiting period for a D more on the separation side of the time-line, if you know what I mean. That is to say, they make you wait a full year in separation before they allow you to file for D. I suppose in most cases that helps couples from entering into D proceedings too quickly. Some states let you file almost immediately, but then have a long period thereafter (which again varies from state to state) for it to become final.
Am I ready? I can't say that I want to be divorced, to have my M terminated, as that was something I had dreamed would never happen. This was supposed to be forever.
But since the State (in general and in specific) and society allows for unilateral divorce without consequence to the party that seeks it, making the death of my marriage just a matter of time, then if it has to be so, I'd just as soon get it over with.
My STBXW has been relentless and adamant for all of these 22 months that she considers our M ended already. I know, believe nothing the wayward says, right? But her actions speak louder than words; she has made certain, by God, that there be absolutely no chance for any form of reconciliation or any iota of a chance we might ever be friends, let alone a couple. I have never ever seen her so determined to see some endeavor through to this degree, well, at least not since our own courtship. If she had ever channeled even a fraction of such initiative and zeal she now displays from her D into our M we might not be in such straits today. She's a tough cookie in that regard, but it's obviously much more easy for one to maintain a level of hostility towards someone else than it is to put your own selfishness aside and work on a M.
But again, to answer your question, if this has to be, I'd just as soon get it over with and get on with the remainder of my life. I am as ready as I am ever going to be.
Originally Posted By: cat03
do you have joint custody?
Hi, Cat, yes I do. Joint legal custody and alternating weeks with STBXW for physical custody -- at least for now. STBXW occasionally chafes at the notion I might be truly involved with our S's, and then she starts making noises about curtailing my custody, as if a court of law would automatically side with her. She wants full decisional rights over our S's lives and if I ever voice an objection to her actions regarding them (such as rejuggling their daycare seemingly ever three to four months), she takes offense for my "interference" and threatens to sue me for sole custody. My threads outline the day-to-day insanity I have had to endure in this mounting custody battle, but I understand not wanting to wade through all that. Right now things seem quiet but once the divorce is final, I am certain STBXW will launch the next phase of her legal war on me, for primary custody.
