Last few days have been interesting to say the least. For some reason, I think H is thawing in his distant attitude a bit. I see a little more of my old H in him.
Sunday after I went to the neighbor's house for a party (alone since he didn't want to socialize), I came home and he was dressed nicely. He said he was hoping I would've come home early from the bbq so we could go to a movie together. Am I a mind reader? Seriously! I changed and got ready for bed and he said "are you going to bed already?" and I said "yes...tired." I invited him to join me...and wow. We were up all night!
Next day...both tired. Went to bed early (together again) and then yesterday morning...again! He initiated. Later we drove separately to S18's baseball game where he pitched an awesome game. Great for my morale for sure! We left the game separately where he went to the "gym" (who knows?) and I left with friends to go out for dinner/drinks. H got home around 10 and I was already asleep - but he woke me up and said "you look comfortable". I was proud of myself because I didn't wait up for him. Yay me.
Once again...he slept in our bed, he asked me for a backrub again in the morning. I feel like if he was completely over me he wouldn't be asking me to do that but maybe I am kidding myself. I still sense the distance which is hard to believe after the few nights we have had lately...but like I said earlier, it seems to have thawed somewhat. Maybe it is just me that is not on pins and needles around him anymore.
It is hard to be patient. Trying so hard to be! Trying so hard not to ask about the future. My son's team is set to play at a MLB park in May and a lot of us have talked about staying overnight near the field. I mentioned it to H but he didn't really reply. Usually by now, we are planning a family vacation for the summer. Can't even go there. I guess I could plan something and invite H. Or maybe that would be considered pursuing. Hm-m-m-m. H is planning to backpack/climb a very tall peak this summer. Again I think...MLC.
I cancelled my appt today with psychiatrist. After speaking to therapist, she thought I could benefit from some medication for depression but I think I am doing a little better. Really don't want to go on any anti-depressants. Think I can manage on my own.
Just venting a bit but need to get out and enjoy this spectacular socal day! warm and sunny!
