Hi, I haven't been here in awhile. Things are still going. I'm not divorced yet..for some strange reason or another. It's been 3 years.
So this is the happenings:
H and I slept together for the first time in Sept 08 after 2 yrs.
Then again in Dec 08.
He is still with OW . She was away in college.
After New years, I decided no more games. I just pulled back. Got on with my life. H called Me Feb. 14 for mundane things all day. I was busy so I didn't answer.
He came the following week and picked me up and hugged me. Told me he was moving to a new place. I said when are you GUYS moving he said..I am moving.
So a couple of weeks ago , OW moved down to be with him. D8 spent he night there. I didn't acknowledge OW was there. He called the next day to see if D8 had a good time..did she say anything..I think he was feeling me out. D8 did say while her and OW were getting things out of the car, daddy was playing playstation..I found that interesting.
I just let it be.
Last week he came to pick up D8, and he started with the flirtations again. Getting close to me, putting me on his lap with D8.
I took it for what its worth.
He told me OW moved in because he need someone to help pay the rent. Do I believe that ..No!
So That day he asked when was I going over to his new place ..i said I'll go now. He texted OW to tell her. She was at work at her waitressing job. She said, " Whatever. That's fine."
So I went over there. On the way, he called me and asked why I was on the phone and who I was talking to ..I guess he was watching me behind him.
When, I got to his place, I said it was nice. I saw a pic of them two and said "How weird" He asked what was weir. I told him I thought she looked different. He asked why? I HONESTLY said I thought she was prettier. I was being honest. He was showing me around.On the way up the stairs, he tried grabbing my butt.
He even showed me the shower head. and said it was great. I found that weird. It bothered him that I thought she wasn't pretty. He kept asking. He then showed me pics of D8. There was one of OW and he said" She doesn't look that great in this one" and didnt want to show it to me.
We then talked a bit more. He said that he would like to have all of us here for D8's bday party. I said H I will always be friends with you but never with OW. she is the person you had an affair with. If it was after we were divorced it would be better. He said But we aren't divorced yet.
He then said" i should just move away" I hate this..this is not the way I wanted my life...this is stupid"
I said..H why are you so unhappy..I could see it in your eyes..You have a new place..OW is living with you..why aren't you happy?
He looked very sad.
I said If you can't handle me not caring at all for OW then you and I wont be friends. He said no its not that.
So I left it at that..I told him D8 was hungry and to go eat with her.
I left. He called to see where I was going..with who..He called again to see what time to drop D8 off.
When he dropped her off I said bye, he said why are you acting so weird.I said I just said bye.
So Today he picks up D8, and grabs me again and hugs me. Tells me he doesn't want me to be mad at him. We had a discussion over the weekend on my financial situation. He always blames me but I told him (nicely) it wouldn't be this way if he left and decided to take care of someone else.I am no longer scared to tell him how I feel.
So he was leaving and said we are way past that..don't be mad at me. i said I wasn't and that was that. He told me my hair looked nice. And then they left.
Its been 3 yrs of this..It confuses me still to this day.
I forgot to mention..D8 wanted to take a picture of me, H and her to put in her room. H took the picture and put it in her room over there. I found that interesting. As a OW would I like seeing that? probably not.
Hi Jack, thank you. I have learned and am still learning. I guess thats why I am back here. I want my H back, but not on my terms. On his willingness to see it for himself.
...of course you want him back on your terms. As in living within your boundaries. Not having a mistress.
Although I think...I understand, you want him back but not just because you want him back, and THAT is AWESOME for you to realize it.
Well you are doing good Kiki. Personally, I'm not sure I'd be letting my wife be as playful with me when she was still sleeping with with OM or in a relationship.
"uh-uh, bad touch, I ain't your ho-ho." : ) after slapping her hand when she was getting frisky...yeah right.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Yes, Jack , you are right. OW has to go. And he has to realize he actually did have an affair. They haven't lived together so I hope this will bring about change. I know its a bit strange, but I do see change ..slight change ..already.
Yes, since he is living with OW, I have different boundaries with him. For example, when he tried grabbing me up the stairs I did slap his hand away. When he was coming at me in my house, I told him he was in my personal space. As for him hugging me, i hug him as a a stranger and he asks me to wrap my arms around him and kisses me on the neck.
I value myself more now..and its taken awhile.. to be touched by a man that is having an affair. I am the prize. she is nothing. I like your comment. I may use that one day.
I wish it was mine...got it from the radio little tiny filler, I almost crashed off the road I was laughing so hard with this guy describing how to keep his oversexed girlfriend off of him.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
