I like your sense of humour on the "mercy killing."
Yes, my bond with H is stronger than before, and I can truly appreciate how life and relationships require "testing" to make us stronger, and force us to examine ourselves and our needs. But, at the same time, there's still work to be done--I'm just having trouble putting a finger on what it is. I guess that's why I'm still drifting around this site.
You suggest I wouldn't do it again, if given the choice, and for a long time during the MLC I thought, if only we could have changed things in our relationship WITHOUT him having to become wrapped up in OW. And make no mistake, it still hurts that there were things he did for her that he never did for me. But I think I accept now that I might never have been motivated to make positive changes without OW. In particular, there was one day I'll never forget.
By the time it came around, my H had been in MLC for 3 years, and had gone through the passive-aggressive shutting me out, the spewing anger, and the building a materialistic, young-man nightlife for himself in the city where he was working. I had built up all sorts of defences against him in my heart, and in the ways I reacted to him. But none of them were good for me, and I felt used and devalued in a way that echoed my childhood abuse.
On this particular day, I finally got him to admit that he and the OW were more than "just friends," that he'd had all sorts of secret rendezvous with her, and that they were in constant phone contact. I cried so hard that day I had a headache for 3 days, but at the same time I really examined everything: did I still love him? was I happy with my behaviour? what changes did I need to make to my mothering, sex life, communication with others, self-love--I can't believe all the transformations I realized I needed that day. Would those changes have happened otherwise? I'm not so sure.
I believe that my H is a better person now than he was before the MLC, because he now knows he has chosen the kids and me, and because when he does have periodic feelings of inadequacy, he knows they're not coming from external sources like bosses, but are just scars from dear old mum.
I love BC, and have always wanted to go to Ireland! I notice you say "another trip," so I guess you've enjoyed at least one holiday there before? We do joke about 3 being the magic cutoff number where nobody's willing to take your kids anymore, so good luck with that! How are airfares to Ireland looking? Inside Canada never seems to be cheap.... The kids are eager to go camping, so that may be what we'll look at this summer, though the older I get, the less I care for mosquitoes, sleeping bags and pads, etc....
