Move along. It happened. You're not walking away. You're tired and venting.
Now back to the watching and waiting. Don't talk R with H.
Smile. It'll drive people around you nuts.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
#3 - Mike, It kills me that you pop in to pop me one, and really don't offer much in the way of support. OK, I know you have experience in this, and you may have fixed yourself, but it appears it didn't work for your M, right?
You think that's what I'm doing..just popping in to lay waste to you for the hell of it?? I'm supposed to coddle you..stroke your ego..I'll tell ya about support..I'm here today even though my dad was dianosed with brain cancer yesterday..even thoughte woman that i love..her mother was dianosed with stage 3 lymophoma yesterday...I check on you daily..
but hey..I can stop..just say the word..
Quote:
OK, I know you have experience in this, and you may have fixed yourself, but it appears it didn't work for your M, right?
yep..I cam her to fix my M...and it got me a divorce..but see right at the very end..after a good buddy from memphis, (who had laid waste to me throughout my sitch) finally got through to me...it's not about the M..it's about what you did to make the M fail and fixing what you did..
Quote:
And, WTF is this...
just think if these Noobs had "batchitt crazy" to deal with they would be locked up in a padded cell somewhere
I can't even read that and understand it. From what I get out of it, I should go f*cking hang myself.
"batchitt crazy" just happens to be what some of us have..us lucky ones..we have the crazy B**ches and S*B WAS's that we get to deal with..
I told you straight up and to the point fromt he beginning..you would not like what i said at times..I'll be damned if I sugar coat or B*LLchitt you..
Like Laura..you noobs drive me crazy..somebody farts and you guys are ready to throw in the towel..
I'll chime in here, hopefully to offer some encouragement.
Although I am not technically a DB'er, so I hesitate to offer advice--I wander over here from the SSM forum and I have followed your sitch from the first post. You sound like an amazing, intelligent and beautiful person...someone with whom I could become friends in RL.
Your sitch is compelling to many. I think one reason why is because, unlike so many who post here whose marriages have very low odds and DB is a last ditch effort, your marriage looks like one with *great* potential to be saved.
Hence, I think, the frustration of your sage advisers....whose circumstances and journeys are/were WAY beyond what you face. They are only trying to help you get some perspective, and to count your blessings. The 2X4's sting, but I truly think they are offered in love---TOUGH LOVE, SISTER!!
So, even though you don't know me, here's a big ((((Mindblank)))) from me! Mmwwaah
As I have observed here before, DB principles really work. I think you've seen that already. But because people are not perfect, some mistakes/backslides happen and don't totally derail the result...some meaning 2-3 times, but not 10 times! I have followed several threads here where ill-timed pursuit has pushed wavering WAS's to the point of no return.
As for the text convo, like you said, just drop it. If he brings it up again, just listen objectively to what he has to say. Even if he doesn't, trust me, he remembers the text and knows where you stand, so no need to remind him again...OK?????
Here's an analogy I loved from another thread:
You have planted a seed in your marriage and have been seeing evidence that is has taken root and has begun to grow. If you repeatedly rip the plant up by the roots to see HOW MUCH it's grown, the plant's gonna die. So just keep patiently tending the plant and have faith that the outcome will eventually bear fruit.
Here's a side note about plants (how green's your thumb?) Plants that thrive in really arid climates sink a really deep tap root before any evidence of growth appears at the surface. But, years later when the deep root is established, the plant is impervious to drought, flood, freeze and fire.
I hope you have a better day today...I didn't get any "love" from my H either, so we can both just self soothe our anxiety over it together. One day at a time...
You have planted a seed in your marriage and have been seeing evidence that is has taken root and has begun to grow. If you repeatedly rip the plant up by the roots to see HOW MUCH it's grown, the plant's gonna die. So just keep patiently tending the plant and have faith that the outcome will eventually bear fruit.
Here's a side note about plants (how green's your thumb?) Plants that thrive in really arid climates sink a really deep tap root before any evidence of growth appears at the surface. But, years later when the deep root is established, the plant is impervious to drought, flood, freeze and fire.
I don't know about you MB, but I find that appropriate and encouraging.
Hang in there. You're awesome and you need to be patient. More than you thought you could be. Or want to be. I think Mike was hoping to help you get perspective. Take it that way. I think he means to help you even when you don't want to hear it - just like a real friend does.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hang in there!! You are doing great!! So you screwed up with texting the R questions... We all do screw up at one time or another! Just remember it now and don't let it happen again.
You had some EXCELLENT moments of detachment (text about the dog, letting his call go to voicemail when you were out..) So just continue along those lines. When you feel frustrated in the middle of the night, post here, rant here, vent here! We can take it! Resist the urge to call/text/email your H! It WILL get easier over time. GAL'ing helps with that!
I've read though about half of your thread. It's an easy read for me, as I feel we have similar vocabularies, ways of expressing, etc... not sure what it is. You're less whiny and bratty than me, though!
Just for the record. You'd be a RL friend, too!
So, I started tearing up right at the hug part, and was sobbing by the time I finished the analogy. How appropriate! Just for the record. I kill anything resembling a plant, and my H always jokes that I even kill fake plants! (I put one next to the fireplace once and it melted. LOL)
H works out of town during the week, only getting home for a few hours at a time a night or two... then home for two to three nights on the weekend. He's here right now. Comes in with a kick in his step, acting normal. Glad to see everyone... loved dinner... liked my new BLONDER hair... He's goofing off with the kids right now. I'm giving him some space, and time with them. I leave in the am to travel for work (LOVE IT! I need some time away, even if it's for one night, and I'm working...). When I get back on Friday, we're going to a Dinner Auction for the Lutheran Schools where my kids go. Should be fun, and I got a new dress this afternoon! CUTE!
Thank you for your support, and the HUG!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
He's goofing off with the kids right now. I'm giving him some space, and time with them. I leave in the am to travel for work (LOVE IT! I need some time away, even if it's for one night, and I'm working...). When I get back on Friday, we're going to a Dinner Auction for the Lutheran Schools where my kids go. Should be fun, and I got a new dress this afternoon! CUTE!