My take on it is that it takes a various amount of things. I think you :
1) Need to want a " Great " sex life to be a better lover. You have to want to be into it. If your just going thru the motions to get it over with, you will never be a great lover.
2) Total trust, honesty and inhibition with your lover. If you can't muster up the courage to say, " I dont like...... " or " I want.... " then it won't happen there either.
3)You also need to want to please one another.You have to want to please that other person cause in doing that it pleases you. I have had both ends of the scale. I was with one lover who desired as I did, WOW! When your with some1 who wants you as bad as you want them, wowza. Strap in, and get ready for the ride.. lol Whereas I married ( sorry to say ) some1 who just isn't interested in taking the time to figure me out. So, its going thru the same thing which may or may not work.
4)NOW< this is just me... lol You made mention of perhaps looking into porn. I think that it totally to each their own. Some ppl find it disgusting. My H does, I do not. ( go figure ) lol I do respect that though. I however think bringing anything into the bedroom is fun as long as both partners are ok with it.
5) SPICE IT UP! Change things up. As long as you know your partner is up for it. I am ( as u can see ) very much up for anything. lol I would love nothing more then a simple ambush. It doesn't always have to be in the bedroom at 7pm.. etc.... If you know your spouse is into that. Make the effort. Go outside your comfort zone and give it a shot. You may surprise yourself.
Ill leave it at that, as I don't want to scare anyone. lol I have tons of them...
lol 
