Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing

[Thinker]

I'm not so sure about that - I just think my sitch is different. My W is herself detached and non-communicative, so it is easier to stay detached myself.

My sitch has changed a lot over the past months. It started out as something like a MC / WAW with her agressively pulling away and me pursuing. Then I started DBing and exposed the EA about 3 months ago. The EA seems to have fallen apart and things seemed to be getting better, then we had a series of bad events having nothing to do with me (the accident with our 9month old, her mothers cancer) that seem to have stopped all progress and driven her into herself and further away from me.

I work from home, so am here all day, but spend most of it closed in my "office". My W spends the day doing her thing - ferrying the boys around, visiting with friends, etc. In the evenings we are more like roommates - working together to get through dinner and the boys bedtime routine, but otherwise not talking. She spends most of the evening on the phone with her family talking about her mom, and otherwise spends a lot of time in bed staring at the wall. The only way she really interacts with me is through the boys - ie coming up and fussing over them while I am playing with them.

I really have no idea what is going on in her head right now - and am mostly trying to avoid thinking about it too much. I know she is unhappy with her life and miserable over her family and is (in some way) projecting a lot of this onto me and our R/M.

I know (now) that we did not have the best R, but I think I have worked through a lot of my part of it and don't think I am giving her any current cause to be unhappy, but she is stuck on historical feelings and current problems.

I really feel sorry for what she is going through and at the same time have a kind of sad feeling that we are just continuing to drift apart. She may return to the R at some point, but somehow I just keep waiting for her to break out of silence with a new sudden declaration that she is unhappy and needs a change - and that I am that change.

Oh well, until something changes -- time and space (and focus on myself).

I have been exercising every day, trying to train for a short triathlon in June (my first) and this weekend am going on a men's retreat this weekend which should give me a chance to reflect a bit.

Tomorrow I am going to get her out of the house for a few hours to go to a comedy show. I invited a few of our mutual friends so that it would not be too much of a "date", but am not sure that they will come.