Suffice to say we got into a huge row with my six year-old present. It was the worst 30 minutes of my life, I told my wife how I felt, I asked her why she has been so angry over the last 3and a half months. She told me it was the fifteen years of hurt - which I cannot believe, and the lies I have told. I got stresse and told her I was thinking of taking the tablets in my drawer and ending it all. She told me I was a lousy lover, I have lied to her so much over the years, there is no love left. I was so upset I said to her "you are doing the most selfish thing anybody could do". With that she broke down and cried, and said "how dare you say that after all that I have done for you and the children. It is about time I had some time for me".
Mark, I know you're hurting intensely right now, and this may not make you feel any better, but I do have to tell you: what she said here quoted above is ENTIRELY, 100% SCRIPT and has been repeated almost WORD-FOR-WORD by thousands (if not tens of thousands) of wayward spouses over the years. Just read other people's threads -- it's all SCRIPT, and she is re-writing your marital history.
She very likely believes VERY little of it. Rationalization is a powerful, POWERFUL emotional self-defense mechanism, and hers is revving at 99% right now.
You need to begin to introspect, and ask yourself what you would want to do with your life if your wife were to die tragically tomorrow. I don't say that to be morbid, but really -- you have to figure out who YOU are, apart from her. What are your values, interests, beliefs, and what legacy do you want to pass on to your children? As someone else said to you last nite, you will ALWAYS be their dad, and not only do you have the opportunity to, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to "train them up in the way they should go."
Do you want their lasting memory of you to be that you cut and ran when Life threw you a sh&t sandwich?
Take today, lick your wounds, and you don't have to do ANYTHING about it today. But tomorrow, you've gotta pick yourself up and begin to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, WITHOUT your wife.
The irony, of course, is that in DOING all of that, your wife will quite likely change the way she reacts to you, and perhaps even want you back someday. But maybe not, and YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER.
These are HER demons to face right now, Mark. What YOU need to do is be there for your kids.
Puppy
P.S. Not to throw even more on your plate right now, but I'd suggest reading up on "parental alienation." Your wife may be saying things to your daughter to turn her away from you, and you should equip yourself.
