I want you to understand that him saying he loves her and then saying he loves you is really no different than you saying you want to work on the M and then saying you want to move on. I'm saying this is the emotional sense. His are on a rollercoaster just like yours. At the moment, neither of you can decide what you truely want. I also want you to know this is perfectly normal. Almost everyone here is experiencing the same things.
The best way to lessen the peaks and valleys is to limit exposure to the cause of them. In a simplistic analogy, compare it to touching a hot iron. It HURTS, so you learn to let the iron cool before you reach for it the next time, or more likely you test to see how hot it is before you grab it. Same thing here, you need to limit how close you get. Close meaning communication or interaction when your in a peak or valley of the emotional swing. When you are cruising along in the middle, you feel the best. That is what you are shooting for... staying in the middle.
This is the basis for all of the techniques Michelle is suggesting, GAL, act As If, etc... they all lead you to that middle ground. I know it can be rough getting there, but as you adjust and use the techniques you develop new habits and routines. These are the things you want to do. I refer to this as "moving forward". You simply begin living life using these tools and see if he follows. I know it sounds simple and I also now it is extremely difficult to implement.
Puppy's right, you can't control him, but you can SHOW him how much he is missing and how you much more character you have.
When all is said and done, the best consquence you can ever impose is success. What you have to decide is who gets the consequence, your H or the OW.
Stay patient, set boundaries, pick a path and work through it, I guarantee you will find success.
