WAW1

[markhaving probs]

Guys,

Thank you for your responses. I thought I was doing quite well as documented by CJC, and to answer your question Puppy I desperately want to reconcile and by trying to be upbeat, confident, cheerful etc, I thought I could get my wife to start to respond more favourably, but you're right, this strategy does not seem to be working though I thought I would give it a bit more time. I really think it looks like the end for me after last night.

My wife said to me last night one of her friends had spoken to me and I (stupidly) had asked this friend what my wife had said to her during a night out with the girls (persuing). Because I have had to endure all this pressure of not responding or rising to the bait for an argument, I lost my cool because I keep breaking one of the cardinal rules of not asking family or friends what she is thinking/doing. I cannot help myself because I feel like I am going to explode with this internal stress and pressure and anyone that I speak to just seems to end up telling my wife, even people I thought I could trust. I cannot vent to my family as they are very angry with my wife, therefore I feel very isolated and lonely.

Suffice to say we got into a huge row with my six year-old present. It was the worst 30 minutes of my life, I told my wife how I felt, I asked her why she has been so angry over the last 3and a half months. She told me it was the fifteen years of hurt - which I cannot believe, and the lies I have told. I got stresse and told her I was thinking of taking the tablets in my drawer and ending it all. She told me I was a lousy lover, I have lied to her so much over the years, there is no love left. I was so upset I said to her "you are doing the most selfish thing anybody could do". With that she broke down and cried, and said "how dare you say that after all that I have done for you and the children. It is about time I had some time for me". She then got ready and went to a friends house for some space. This was all in the presence of my son - I feel so low and on the point where I just want to break down, as I do not know what to do.

I became very clingy with my son last night as I have no physicality with anyone other than my children. Even my daughter feels slightly strange with me because I have not spent much time with her before and now it appears she is not comfortable with me. I took saffie's advice and offered to take my children for a pizza on saturday after my golf match, but my daughter said she would rather stay at home as she has a friend coming over. Now I feel my daughter is slightly drawing away from me which I cannot get my head around. I rang my wife during the time she was out last night to see if she was ok, she responded by saying "yes" and she would be home later.

I disturbed my wife and son this morning by sitting on the edge of the bed, I just feel I need to be close to them as I feel I am losing everything. This morning she sent me a text saying that by telling my son I love mummy and you two children that I am trying to drive a wedge between us and the children, which just isn't true. I do not hate or dislike my wife, I hate and dislike this situation. I have not responed to the text yet, what should I put into the response, if I should reply at all?

I now feel all the effort and time I have put in has been completely blown away, and I am now at the end of the road. She said she does not love me anymore, please tell me what is the best thing to do now!