It's 10 p.m. and all is well. Not ALL well, I suppose, by but fairly good, if one is measuring.
I decided to start my own thread since I seem to be taking up so much room on others...
My kids are still up and I'm here rambling, waiting for them to finish this show they MUST see, hoping that my H won't fall asleep on the couch before we can get them to bed. I have PLANS tonight, you see.
I played in our Country Club Championship today. Had a pretty decent front round, but the back kind of fell apart. Not as bad as it could have been...I was playing to win on the front, and trying not to lose on the back. There's a big difference there, you know? Kind of like life. You either play to win, and have the most fun you can squeeze out of it, or you play not to lose, and feel a constant feeling of dread just beyond your left shoulder...just waiting for something to happen. I definately like my front 9 approach to life. We'll see what happens in round two tomorrow.
Aching Man, I found the book you had been telling me about and read through some of it. I have a hesitancy of taking anything for libido if it doesn't describe potential side effect and drug interactions. Not that I'm on any other drugs...but it did recommend Niacin...vitamin B3 as a libido enhancer, so I might just give that one a try. It did have some interesting suggestions for other enhancements, so I will definately read that more thoroughly.
Feet are shuffling upstairs, so I'll sign off since tonight seems to be pretty slow around here.
I'm not sure if it was in the book or not, but one thing I've seen that seems more reliable than most is L-Arginine (which is an amino acid). You can get it by itself or in a blend with other ingredients; the main blend I've seen is called ArginMax, GNC and Wal-Mart both have them. The ArginMax has at least some science behind it.
As to approaches to life, I know military doctrine holds that you can't "win" a defensive war; the best that produces is stalemate. So for what it's worth that's more validation for the "front 9" approach. Hope things work out!
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
Should make all you HDers feel that there is indeed justice in the world. I asked him what was wrong, and if there was anything I could do different...I finally got out of him that he is still really pissed about me getting the dog...I'm not quite sure where the connection was to having sex last night, and me getting the dog, other than an attempt at a nice old fashion power struggle...but at any rate, I hope you all see the humorous irony in the conversation we had as much as I do.
What is the motivation behind a "nice old fashioned power struggle?" Seriously, why cut your nose off to spite your face just because you are pissed about something?
I've been puzzled for years about this. My ex seems to love engaging in them. He does it with me and his children. I go along with Brian's feelings. Get pissed about the dog, get it out into the open and then have some great make up sex.
My ex got pissed at me back in April because I moved out of state with the boys. It's only 4 hours away from him but he got pissed none the less. I validated his feelings, told him I would work in anyway he needed with him to make sure he had as much contact with our youngest as he needed. You would think saying to someone, "I know you are upset, I understand why you are upset and I am sorry you are upset and will do all I can to make this easy on you" would help bring an end to the conflict. No with my ex!!
I've engaged in power struggles myself. Even to the point that I am aware that I am being silly and costing myself. I finally come to the realization though that it's silly and put a stop to it. Anybody know why there are some who will continue the power struggle even after the other person attempts to give in and give over? My kids have driven themselves crazy this summer trying to fix the situation with a father who refuses to call and come see them because he is pissed that we have moved.
Your husband could have gotten laid last night but instead he chose to be pissed over the dog. Is it really about the dog at all?
Brian my ex used to wake up with a raging hard on too. There I'd be, all cute and warm and receptive...ready, willing and able and he would go shower and "use his vivid imagination." Nothing feels better than knowing someone is in the mood...needs a little sexual relief and prefers to do it himself with his lovely wife laying in bed wanting him. WHEWWW!! Talk about taking the crunch out of your cereal. Does a real number on the self-esteem. Cathy
But seriously it seems like you have put a lot of effort into improving your M lately. Is it true your H is HD but it is u who has been doing all the running to improve things. How great you are. You deserve something back and you can tell him I said so! I would let my H have any pet he wanted if he did that for me. Well maybe except for a tarantula.
In my case I am still having trouble getting up the nerve to try and talk to him about it. I feel like I would be making myself most vulnerable by being so open and talking about sex which ain't easy for me, just when he is likely to be defensive, unsupportive and hurtful. Well I think I have to grit my teeth and do it. But it's kinda scary. So I really hope your H appreciates what you have done for him. Love Jijixxx
I am playing in a couples golf tournament today with my husband. The format is alternate shot between the spouses. I am sure I will see parts of the golf course I have never seen, since we will be alternating shots in until the ball is holed. These kinds of couples golf tournaments can be a true test of how strong your marriage is. Patsi
Just curious: is your H ticked because you GOT the dog, or because you got the dog without talking to him about it first? Truth in advertising I've been dealing with a similar issue over a pair of cats that my wife got. The issue is not that they are destructive -- which they are -- and irritating as all get-out (although I can generally keep my thoughts of "getting a new tennis racket" to myself). The problem, which I suppose some might call a power struggle, is that she got them within a few weeks of a long discussion we'd had in which she very explicitly, specifically and emphatically promised that she would NOT get any more cats (she wanted to help a local rescue group that shelters kittens).
So, what I have now is a pair of permanent black reminders that despite the fact that she knew what my feelings were, validated those feelings, and strongly committed not to do anything contrary to them...went right out and did it anyway. I know I'll probably get back a chorus of "Get over it...do you want to be right or happy?" To be honest, I want to be both, which in know isn't practical. As a fallback, it'd be a lot easier to get over if she'd acknowledge how betrayed I feel by this, but she won't do that either. To her it's a non-issue. So I'm working through it, but it isn't easy -- especially when I go to sit down on what used to be a perfectly good couch before "Thing 1 and Thing 2" shredded it sharpening their claws!
Whew...was that a vent or what? Sorry. Anyway, I guess my point is, is adding a pet to the family (a major undertaking) something that is understood by both of you to be a unilateral decision, or a mutual one? And is that what he's really upset with? Just a thought.
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
Well, I wouldn't say that my scenario with the dog is an exact replica of your situation with Thing One and Thing Two (that was very good, by the way...I had a good chuckle with that one)...
Our scenario was, "honey, I know this abandoned dog I would like to get..."
"No, absolutely not, we are NOT getting a dog."
"Yes, but..."
"NO!"
So you see, there was really no chance for a disucssion here. None whatsoever. Soooooo....I did the only wrong thing I could have done in this situation, and I went and got the dog. This is exactly ONE HALF my fault.
However, I do see some real positives in this. My H told me no when I tried to initiate sex the other night. Now, a few years ago, he would have jumped at that opportunity regardless of how pissed he was at me. The fact that he felt safe enough, trusted me enough to know that if he says no tonight, there will in fact be another opportunity again to have sex in the very near future...well...that was worth the dog fight in my mind.
He is still getting over my "betrayal" (exact same word you used...interesting), but I am happy to report that Jake (the dog) is slowly but surely winning over my H.
I tried again with my H last night...and he didn't turn me down this time.
. Now you know how it feels!