Oops!!.......I think I've dropped the rope!!

[sunshinelewis]

SC I am so sorry you are going thru this.
I hope you can save your marriage.
I know it hurts like nothing could to find out about them moving on. I will never understand how they can go on soooo quickly. I couldnt stand the thought of another man touching me right now, its just sick to me.
I just learned from my xh that he will be getting married to his child-gf by the years end. Of, course he was angry at me when he told me so who knows. Either way it tore my heart out. I thought it was bad when he moved her in. It seems to just get worse.
I will pray for you. Just reach out to GOD and seek him to find your peace. He knows whats best for you.

HUGS to YOU,
Renee

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, Renee!

Thanks for your kind words! I have been watching your sitch and often thought that your H and my H are twins seperated at birth. I too built my whole world around my H and that wasn't healthy, but I tried to give him everything he ever wanted. I will never understand the "no looking back" part. The lack of conscience. Sometimes it hurts so much, I can hardly breathe. But I have my kids and now I have my GD. I do see her as a gift from God to put things into perspective. She was born 1 year to the day from the bomb. I even told my H that tonight. He didn't really see the significance of it.......

You hang in there too, Renee!!!!!

[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]

[naej]

Hi SL,

She was born 1 year to the day from the bomb. I even told my H that tonight. He didn't really see the significance of it.......

Don't say things like that to him, you cannot guilt him at this stage and no he will not see the point.
In his head he is done and gone and anything we try to do or say to make them "see" will not to any good and can even backfire.

It is so hard not to do but for now tell him nothing other than child related emergencies.
Hope baby is doing well and mum too.
I had a hold for about an hour of a 5 week old the other day. It was just so lovely, what time wasters they are though! I just sat and gazed and gazed. Probably wind I know but he did several smiles at me whilst we chatted.

[dl443322]

Hey S, listen, I know that you keep saying things to your h because you want to get it out and (subconsciously) you might be hoping something touches him. Well, sadly it wont. He is not hearing you. You are just spinning your wheels and getting frustrated.

Please try not to get in touch with your h over everything. His relationship with your d and your son is his problem, not yours.

Hang in there.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Friends.

I know you all are right. Detach!! The emotions brought on from K's birth just brought it all back to the surface.

In some ways though I do think it may have had some good effect. H came over to my apartment to have his talk with D. He was supposed to come over on the same ferry but apparently he left early and drove around instead of taking the ferry, so when S17 and I got home, H and D had already talked. He held the baby for maybe 5 minutes until she started to fuss and then quickly handed her back. Then he left.

D said that the talk went much better than she expected. Said H agreed to just let it all go and move forward. D and fiance and K are moving into the house in a couple weeks after I get back from CA. H says he will finish the floors and some of the bigger projects but the other stuff he would want help with. So, D is happy. The house is very convenient to fiance's work.

One small interesting point. H thought that todays session with C was to be a 2 hour (2 back to back sessions) which he was going to do with S17. But, when I got to work, my schedule showed today as a one-hour, and tomorrow as the two-hour. So, I called H to tell him and offered for me to take today and he and S17 could have tomorrow. Surprisingly H said he didn't want that because he wanted an individual session with C. This is interesting because H told me last week that he had stopped IC. In the end it was a moot point, because C called in sick so we didn't have a session. I told H he could take one of the sessions tomorrow, but he wasn't sure about his schedule (he has 7 interviews tomorrow for employees).

So, I'm hoping that just maybe I didn't do too awful much "damage" with by backslides. Maybe.......

....But he was very withdrawn when he was here......sad...

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I got a LOT of great "cuddle time" with my baby girl!!!

And, guess what? Before my D left, as we were packing up the baby stuff, there was a plush stuffed dog there and I asked who that was from, and was amazed when D said that H brought it with him when he came over today!!! D looked at me and said "maybe there's hope for him yet Mom"....... I sure hope so......at least he is working on things with the kids. That is most important.

Even if, like he says, he hasn't loved me for a long time and those feelings haven't changed during our seperation, so he doesn't think they will ever change. I am grateful for his efforts for our kids and grand-daughter. I know it was difficult for him.

[dl443322]

S, you know how I feel about you, so I want whats best for you. You really should stop getting so involved with h about things. It is not your responsibility to tell him about the C sessions and calling him to ask if he wants to change it, take a differnt slot, or whatever. He has the schedule or if he isnt sure, he could call the C or you. .

You need to only call him if something important is going on with S17 or the finances. You have to give him some space.

So happy you are enjoying your granddaughter.

[glamgirl]

Yes SC, BM is right only call for the big stuff or when absolutely necessary. I always used e-mail instead. Less personal and then you don't have to tried to read anything into his moods, but keep the e-mails to a mininmum and remember only communicate what you have to.

This is spring break week for OR, but I heard on the news that I think WA is next week. For some reason, I thought we were on the same week. It's ok though I think I can still meet up with you. Let me know when you think you might be passing through.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Y'all.

Had a pretty good day. Took a long lunch and went to book store to get reading material for vacation. Also got baby book(s) for D & K.

Had a pretty good session with C. Talked about K of course and my kids and H's actions of the past week. C is very bothered by much of H's behavior, and is interested to see H in session again after H had told him he wasn't going anymore.

I sat in S17's session briefly and then left time for S to have IC. On the way home, S said he told C about H's "girlfriend". So, I asked him if H had talked about her with him. S then told me she has kids and H has met them. And just like that my mood plummeted!

I know, I know!!!!!!!!! Why do I ask? But it freakin' kills me!!! He can't spend good quality time with his own kids and GD, but he can with hers??!!!! What the he** is that??? I asked S if that bothered him, but he said No that he didn't care because he didn't want to spend time with H because all he does is put S to work at the house or something. If this woman is looking for a new daddy for her kids, she has a rude awakening coming.......but then I don't know how old her kids are. I know it's all useless speculation in my head.

It just all hurts so much!! I just want so much for him to look at our beautiful grand-daughter and see how important our family is!! The one we built together!

I know I'm just screaming into the wind.......gotta let it go.....it's not gonna happen.

I tell you one thing though......when our tax return comes in I'm taking some and getting some stuff for my GD!!! We spent over $1000 on stuff 2 years ago when OW (the Secretary) had her baby!! I'll be dammed if I'll let him be stingy with one of our own!

And, by the way, I haven't been nasty to H the couple of times he called today re: S17. Quite the contrary, I was very cordial. And last night, I actually left him a message on his voice mail that I appreciated his efforts with D24 and K, and that I realized it was difficult for him.

[graceallday]

you guys sent 1000 on the secratarys baby???? Was that a red flag at the time.....that was not normal...