WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

It was a good 3rd B'day at Applebee's. He was thrilled when they sang to him. We went home and he loved his presents. I enjoyed his moment almost as much as he did!

I did try to talk to my wife about their B'day party. I asked her to consider waiting to move out until after their Bday party so their day will be about them not talking about our situation. She had the audacity of suggesting of having it in the community center of her apartment complex. I said no way. This could be their last Bday party in the family home. We need to make it about them. She said what difference would it make.
I lost it at that point and said that our kids need to be the top priority and she's not acting that way. The fact that she wants a separation and divorce shows that. It is not in the best interest of the kids to only have 1 parent around. That I why a divorce is no the answer

That's when she said she agreed its not a good answer. It just that she feels we were not meant to be together since we weren't able to maintain/develop the connection shortly after we were married. Then she went into her pity party line of being hurt/neglected/ignored. I said that was then, this is now and I believe these changes are real. Everyone has seen them and believe. My co-workers, kids, therapist, friends and even my buddy up in CT. I know I am making a better, fuller life by making these changes permanent. Only time can prove it.

She tried to take a jab at me saying I so much, like she wasn't doing anything. I said I use I as I am the only person I can control and speak for. She is in control of her decisions and right now her decision is putting what she wants above what's best for the kids

I then said I am very comfortable with what she wants as I know I will be happy and will be loved by the kids. The kids are innocent victims here so I need to put their priorities first. That's why I am fighting for the marriage. For them and for us. I told her I do love her and want her to be part of my life. But I know even without her I will be happy.

She said I was starting to be a sound like a preacher. I said that's because both a preacher and I are passionate about what we believe in. And I believe that what's best for the kids must be a priority and I believe our relationship can work

This is entirely her decision on whether either will happen

Then she said that I was starting to get mean and nasty. I told her we would be kidding ourselves if we thought a divorce would be nice and easy. How it affects each of us and our kids will be nasty. The children of divorce has a divorce rate of over 79% (87% if both are children of divorce). That means most likely one if not both of our kids will wind up going through a divorce

I said I still believe in our marriage and believe it can work. But we would need help as we both never seen what a happy loving marriage looks like as we were both children of divorce. I know I will work on it. Its her decision whether she will work on it. If she doesn't, it won't work and that's on her

Then, big surprise, she said it was late (10PM) so she was going to bed

I said good nite and walked away from her (no hug or kiss)

Not sure if what I said/did tonite helps or makes it worse but I firmly established kids as the priority