Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

Hi Diane, good to hear from you.

H has never been HD. Kinda medium I guess, sometimes seemed pretty low D. Several years ago he started a brief discussion of our sex life & we both agreed it was about a 4. It immediately became a 2. Mostly from doing the same boring stuff all the time. Then there's the part about the goal oriented guy who's able to be done in 5 minutes and the woman who takes quite a bit longer aaaannnnnnnnd the myth of the simultaneous orgasm. Coulda fixed that way sooner but he wasn't all that experimental.

We revived things a bit after awhile, but sometimes I thought he didn't feel it was worth the effort. We were OK if infrequent till the beta blocker & OK when the dose was reduced. When I went on the Lexapro not knowing it hindered orgasm (Thank you so much, stupid shrink) it was that much less satisfying for him thinking it was his fault. So we got out of the habit. Eventually I was off the Lexapro (by then I knew about the effects)and started making an effort, losing more often than winning. When we went 2, 3, then FOUR months without, I made noise about it. Then in Dec. 2007 he said he didn't have a libido anymore & didn't care. He seemed flat & depressed. But he knew why & didn't tell me!! Evidently he didn't know about needing manual stimulation w/the mental arousal. I used to playfully reach for him sometimes, but he'd duck it if he wasn't in the mood. If I'd had a way to know he was aroused but feeling not able, (reading his mind would have been the only way)it wouldn't have been a problem to do that.

I know he read some stuff that was new to him in the book but he wouldn't say so. One thing he's positively certain about now, if he didn't know it before, is that I love having sex, need to, and want to, and have no strings or tradeoffs about it. He won't suffer any humiliation or rejection from being turned down. Ya think I made all that clear enough in all the arguments and begging this past year? Even after he tried the pills I told him I couldn't figure out why he didn't initiate, after all he knew I'd never turned him down. He admitted that was true. Little did I know, he was still worrying about "performance". By that time I cared more about being asked than the quality of the experience.

So here we are, still muddling along with the damn TV on Sat. & Sun nites till 10 or 11 & me holding my breath. I skipped the stable Sun. & talked him into the sack in the afternoon. (YIPPEE)Turned out good in two ways. The three girls I ride with Sundays got ticketed by a mounted park ranger for going off trail into the woods that'll cost them $139 each. YIPES!!!!!!Good think I was in bed instead

We're off to Mexico Sat. I'm hoping we'll ML this time. 5 yrs ago we didn't. It was a great trip except for that. He was ready to sleep by 10 every night. Not a party animal LOL
Thanks for the hugs & thinking about me. I think about you a lot also. ((( ;)))) to you, too. I might have time to be on before we leave. If not, I'll be back around the 6th.
Jayce