I agree with you. I had the affairs. I got smart. OW showed up, although..it is debatable about whether there was an affair or not. It was inappropriate at the least. Many people said to move on and go out, but I felt it wasn't appropriate, at least/especially not for me. I wanted things to work because they were supposed to work, not because I went out with some other guy. Also, in my stitch, I REALLY did not want to add fuel to the fire.
John, I agree with Puppy to an extent about the "cheaters always lie" although he did use a different term this time than "cheaters"..can't remember what it was though. there will come a point where she is NOT lying anymore, when her actions/words will be congruent. I don't know when that will be. Hopefully, you will be able to tell. I know it is hard for the LBS. "I was lying...but now I'm not lying anymore...please believe me...!!!" For me, the affairs were the only thing in my whole life that I ever lied about. I was a goody-goody...always did what was expected or what would please everyone else. Everyone always knew they could depend on me to do exactly what was expected of me. Damn, it's hard being a martyr!! The affairs were the times where I could be me, and not have to live up to everyone else's expectations. Arrgg...I've gotten off topic. I know it was unrealistic to expect him to believe me the second I quit lying about the affairs. Not sure what I am trying to say here, except pay very close attention to when her actions start matching her words. Other than that, yeah. None of what you hear, half of what you read, and all of what you SEE.
Another way of looking at her furniture buying is this. Like you, she does not know how things will turn out. She may want to work it out, but knows it will be awhile before she can believe in your "changes". She has to PMA, and GAL, and act "as if" to stay in her right mind too. She's not sure. And she thinks she has to plan like you WON'T be around. She is planning like it will all go south.
You said ya'll used to be a "keeping up with the Jones'" couple. Maybe some volunteer stuff for Habitat for Humanity or some other volunteer work would be in order? If you have truly had a change, then that should show up in other areas of your life.
I know I have been harping on this book, but I can't help it. "Broken Open" at WalMart by Elizabeth Lesser I think. Everything is a Phoenix Process...EVERYTHING. Every thing that happens to you, is an opportunity to learn from, grow, and change. I know it sounds...lofty??...but the way she puts it, is really not.
Okay. I will leave it at that.
One other thing, guys. You all talk about this "back up plan" thing, when our independence doesn't work out, or the OM leaves us, or whatever. It's NOT ALWAYS like that. OM didn't leave me, I left him. He made plenty of money. He was nice enough. I am plenty capable of surviving on my own. Sometimes, SOMETIMES, we really do turn around and realize that we really do love you and that we took a lot of things for granted.
I know that is not everyone's experience, and I won't speak for your wives because you certainly know them better than I. But there are some of us who want the M back, because we remember the good times, and we know how the M could be.
Ya'll have a good night.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
