Ian,

Your common sense and kindness have been a real blessing. (Not to say that OT, BND, Jack, and TP haven't been lifesavers.)

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Then let him go Pam. You have to truly let him go and if he makes those changes for real and reenters your life, great. That is if you have not found something else that takes your heart by then. Otherwise why would you pursue something that does not currently meet your criteria for healthy?



You're right, of course. Funny, Ian, I read this earlier today and now again, and in between I thought about it lots. It is almost curious to me that I am not fixating on the words "and reenters your life." I think that I so wanted to believe in the possibility of that happening that I would have only seen those words and thought "there is a chance!" Kinda like something out of the movie Dumb and Dumber.

So, it is a good thing that I am not questioning this- as in: Do you think it is possible? How long may it take? You know, all those things you want to believe.

My criteria for healthy.... Hmm, I should have one of those? Ha ha. Funny that it never occured to me that I should be discerning. Nope, I was only focused on getting him back- healthy, not healthy~ it mattered little. Thank you for reminding me that my decision making is not the best right now! I mean this sincerely. How could I have gone so long putting my own wants/needs on the back burner? It is astounding to me.

I like your last reminder- yeah, shut the hell up, but remember to keep moving ahead. I think that this has been another problem. Believe it or not, there were more times than not that I was able to shut the hell up, but I stood still while doing so.

I just got back from dinner from a friend. She said, "You seem very different today. I don't mean this in a mean way, but things were getting really bad with you. You were bordering on pathetic."
She went on to say, "I feel a shift. Am I off here?"

No, she isn't. Guys, I may seem impossible and hard-headed, but I do listen. And, if nothing else, I strive to be a better person at all times. (Granted, when I screw up I tend to do it in a big way, but, whatever...) The words here at times are harsh, but I appreciate them.

Were it as easy as simply taking the personal out of it, Ian, I would have been on the right track a long time ago. Wouldn't we all! Even so, I needed that reminder.

So, another successful day. One at a time, right?

Valentine,
Thank you for your kind post. Sometimes this board frustrates me, sometimes it amazes me. This is one of the days I am amazed by it. Thanks for saying you're rooting for me. That is so good to hear!