Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

CL,
My husband told me he wanted to move out around Christmastime. On 12/28/09 he told me he thought he was in love with someone else-but nothing had happened(just an EA-but he doesn't believe those are A). On 1/3/09 he moved into an apartment 10 minutes away. He still works out his home office-so nights and weekends are his. My H said he didn't start dating the OW until a few weeks after he moved out. She bought him furniture for his apartment within the first week. On 2/8/09 he bought tickets for them to go to San Diego on 2/20/09. On 2/14/09 I confronted him(I found out about the tickets thru snooping) and on 2/15/09 he had a nervous breakdown and started therapy the next week. He broke upwith the OW on 2/16/09 via email and told me he had selpt with the OW once about a week prior. She emailed him a week later with a story about sitting with a dying friend who wished her all the best and "to know that someone loves you"-in her email she passed this dying wish on to him. He didn't seem to get that she was telling him she loved him, but I did. He emailed her back with condolences and wishing her the best(I didn't see that email. So supposedly the A was over 2/16. She knocked on his apartment door 3/19/09 and they just talked(per H). He slept over at her house 3/21/09-I don't know about 3/20... During the time when the A was over, my H and I were doing our "homework" and spending time together. Things were up and down and I was learning what triggered his anger(any R talk, any mention of the A or OW). He slept over and we had sex several times since we separated until probably the end of February. He says he feels disconnected after sex with me and yesterday he said that was how he felt for 10 years (I think this is definitely rewriting history-b/c he always complained of lack of frequency and not the quality/conneciton).
I went to one therapy session wit his therapist, but he insists it wasn't marital therapy, just therapy to learn how to talk to each other(active listening).
I feel that my H treats me respectfully, but distantly right now. We actually were painting my daughter's bedroom today and it was comfortable and fun at times. I was acting upbeat and made no mention of the R or A even though I really want to know if he's planning to continue with the A now that I know...I do feel threatened by the OW-she called my H last night(he told me) and offered to submit his resume to someone she knows...
My H is 44 and I'm 43. We known each other 21 years and have been married 15.
The OW is 46, "too thin", very active, former body builder with a young sone and daughter(I think ages 8 and 10). She is a financial professional(like him but a different field). She has her kids every other week-so the weekends I know they've been together were her weeks "off". I do know her name(I asked him to tell me and even though he didn't want to at first, he did)...
I have a hard time understanding how a divorced woman with children could pursue a married/spearated man with children.