Don't know where I am at. Had a discussion with W this weekend prior to ML. We are on a once a week deal right now, which is fine with me since it's a huge improvement. She says she is just not that into ML, although it doesn't seem that way once we get started. She also said she realizes she puts everything ahead of me, and she needs to stop it. It kind of upset me (and I let her see that, which I probably shouldn't have, but I am also tired of hiding what I feel).
I keep reinforcing that ML is not "just sex" and it's what I need to feel connected to her. She is gradually getting it.
I find myself kind of drifting along now, not sure what the next step is.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Spellfire, not sure this will help but thought I'd chime in. I totally understand your W saying she's just not into it, but does seem that way after you get going. That is exactly how I was. I still suspect she has severely low levels of testosterone. Without it I just had no urges or desire to start ML, but once we got going I did enjoy it very much. I would always wonder afterwards (to myself, never to xBF) why I didn't want to do that more often because I felt so connected to him in addition to the release. But I never did, the desire just wasn't there and I didn't think about it long and hard enough to realize that it wasn't normal.
Once I got off the bc pills and my testosterone returned, ooh boy. I was thinking about it a lot and definitely wanted to ML, but I couldn't since we were already separated and in a very bad place by then. Cruel irony.
I know she has refused any medical testing and that's a shame. I would recommend patience and reinforcing with her the idea that ML is vital to the connection. If she ever shows signs of wanting to know if there is something medically wrong with her, there are many articles on the internet about bc pills causing a drop in libido (assuming she's on bc pills). Or she can go to an endocrinologist to have her hormone levels tested.
Keep up the good work.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks Pearl. I will maybe bring up the hormone testing at a later time if we are not making progress on the psychological/emotional side of things. I suspect stress and tiredness are big factors. I just don't know how to remedy that since she loves her job, despite the hard work and stress that comes with it. Now is a terrible time to be looking also.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Spellfire glad to see you doing well, maybe not as well as you would like. My wife has said before that I have a sexual addiction, but now, I have totally left it up to her, and she has responded to that very well. Although not very sexy or romantic, she generally says, (you wanna have sex?) but hey do I have stupid on my forehead. I know that I would have thought that I would get absolutely none if I did not schedule, initiate ,or pressure her, but it has been the opposite, we are doing it now as much as we were before, but she seems to enjoy it more because it is on her terms.
Not saying it will work for you, and there is a good suggestion to get off any estrogen, if no kids are in the picture, a little snip snip may be in order. just throwing things out.
No snip snip yet, since we are not certain one kid is the end of it for us. I am 32, and wondering about it, but can't pull the trigger just yet. She is not on BC pill, since we figured that was making things worse for her.
I have tried not pressuring her. Trust me, she will never initiate. I have gone 6 months in the past waiting for her to initiate. It is like the thought never even enters her mind.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Let me ask you this, does she like massages, I mean really deep good ones, why don't you strike up something by giving her a really good one twice a week, maybe she will return the favor. By the way does sex have to be intercourse for you, I was always fine with her servicing me (if you know what I mean), it gave me the release and I still felt closeness to her. Maybe a little mutual massages could be in order with both of you working on your "pressure points".
Totally understand, but at even once a week, you could have a little one on the way, you wearing a jacket or what?
Heh yeah, don't worry it's all under control. We have had unprotected sex twice in our entire R and gotten pregnant both times (lost the first one). I take no chances, believe me.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I have given massages before, but being so starved, it was always hard not to get interested in turning it sexual.
Maybe I can start doing that.
Regarding her servicing me, yeah I would love that, but it never happens. She is what I would call a very selfish lover. She doesn't do anything for me. Maybe once a year if I'm lucky, and even then it lasts about 15 seconds. Just another disappointment I guess.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
