FWIW, I believe you probably did make the right choice when you got married--he was the right guy for you then, and you had good times together. But, he still had some growing up to do, and when it came time to face himself, he couldn't. There's no way you could have predicted that he would change into the selfish monster he did. Don't blame yourself for not "forseeing" this--this MLC board wouldn't exist if it was that easy.
I had an aunt who was a very bright, gutsy, outdoorsy woman. She married a compatible guy, and they were very happy until she was in a terrible accident that left her crippled and blinded (though not in pain). She couldn't deal with the confinement of her life, and became a very angry, demanding person. My uncle cared for her, learned to bake all her favourite things, etc, but (it seemed to me) really got the raw end of the deal. I guess what I'm saying is, adversity is a part of every life, and it's impossible to forecast it, and it's hard to know how individuals will react to hardship--some become better for it (and my uncle certainly did) while others seem to develop the most unpleasant side of themselves.
I know what you mean about not wanting the term "divorced" connected to you. But then, think how many hundred times better it is than "divorced and in MLC." At least for me, looking back, I can see that I went through a depressed period when my mom died, but I'm so grateful I didn't fly off the rails into MLC!! Then, when my H recommitted to the marriage--yet spent another 18 months very gradually becoming the person I actually liked again--I could feel the possibility of depression pulling at me again. At that point I very firmly told myself there was no way I was following in H's footsteps.
Getting away from all those emergency vehicles sounds wonderful and should make for better sleeping. Are you sleeping all right yet? Do the cats let you sleep as long as you want to, or are they the kind that apply wake-up tactics early in the am?
You know, it's okay to be at a crossroads, and to have the time to really think about where you want your life to go from there. Your retirement savings situation is a downer, though, particularly in this market downturn. Though, they do say it's a good time to buy--if you could figure out what! Would a course on investing, etc, interest you?
Is it warming up out there yet? At least the longer days must make a difference. Do you take your holidays in the summer? What do you like to do for it--any plans?
