You are doing a really great job! I'm cheering for you. Does it feel more dignified?
What was wrong about your daughters sheets? Perhaps you could ask her how you would do it better next time - show a willingness to learn. That is being co-operative.
Also, great job in owning your mistakes - the lying. You handled that really well. You can't do much about your wifes tone of voice other than to keep yours even. It'll take time for that to stop. If you tell her to adjust her tone it'll just wind her up and antagonise her. Were you downstairs? You can say things like 'let's take this out of earshot of the kids' or something like that. Or, 'I'm really willing to talk to you about this but perhaps we could do it tomorrow morning as I have a headache (or something)' probably by that time it'll no longer be an issue anyway.
You said
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I do not believe there is anything I can do or say at this moment to get my wife to 'calm down' for the sake of the children
I think you are already doing a great job of this by not taking the bait. Can you imagine what it would be like for the kids if you responded?
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She asked why I was wearing casual clothes and I told her the reason. She uttered "mmmmmm" as if she did not believe me... Probably not but who knows
You said it all, who knows. A bit of mystery is not a bad thing anyway.
