He's trying to figure out how to deal with the elephant in the room. The one he brought, but thinks you forced him to bring. You did to some degree although his choices are his own. He wants to know how to come back but not to what was.
It is a good thing that he cares about you being possibly mad.
Something that has happend to me in this process - as the WAS changes, so do I. It's like a dance. It'll make you crazy if you let it. Detaching is designed to help with that.
ML? I have to agree with your therapist. If it's there, take it. That level of intimacy is not something you can do with somebody you hate. I don't care who you are. You can have some of it with somebody you don't really care about, but not hate or want to be away from. It's intimate by nature. It's ok because he's your husband. Don't have expectations that it will magically change your husband. Live in that moment. It's a good sign of a healthy relationship and in your case I think it shows that your relationship is on a good track.
You need to work on you. Take the time to do that. Enjoy the moments. Stop trying to fight all the time. Calm down and delay those fights to the next day if you can. No matter how much it hurts to bite your tongue. You'll be glad you did. I can see if from your writing.
Your sanity? Yes. Get your sanity back. If you can see H 2x a week and stay away from the constant chat, then do so. If you can constantly chat without fighting then do so.
I'll leave you with this: he doesn't want to have a relationship with ex-OW. He's told you that and he means it. He has to work with that person and he realizes what a dumb thing it was to even come close to having a relationship with somebody he works with. He's trying to be professional. It was dumb. Ok.
Build a bridge and get over it because it is getting in the way of your marriage. Fix yourself and realize he didn't do anything more than what he told you. He even apologized which is HUGE in this realm. HUGE HUGE HUGE and shows he really does want a way back. Just not to the old you.
Stay focused. Stay calm. Get over the ex-OW because there's nothing there. She's nuts and its over even though there really was nothing there. He looked and she didn't measure up to you. You really are that much more desirable. Way more. A back-handed compliment really.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
