WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

Is there any reason why you're still going to attend C? It continues to sound like she's doing it just for you.

This is why -

With an MLC person that's the hardest part because they don't see the problem as being themselves. But there are "ah ha" moments that hopefully you or the C can bring out of her.

Our marriage counselor is more of a mental health therapist. We're not really working on the relationship per se during the sessions. Seems like she's really trying to work with us to make sure we're both ok emotionally.

This past session she's been working on pointing out how communication was/is a big driver in developing a loving/happy relationship (under my steering of the discussion). We talked about the recent example of the CT trip "discussion".

I do see how my wife interpreted as not being involved in the decision process as she clearly was not. What my wife had assumed was that I decided it several days before. What I brought up was that it actually came up that afternoon I called her. I do see how I didn't communicate it very clearly that it was a sudden trip plan that just worked out.

Our counselor then challenged her why didn't she say anything until Sunday. My wife said she was in such a shock as I've never gone away with the boys by myself that she didn't know how to respond.

Our counselor gave us both suggestions/ideas on what to do differently next time.

Ironically, my wife and I had a discussion of how we thought the counselor was helping our relationship. We both agreed that she was helping us feel better about ourselves. I guess that's part of her approach was that to get both of feeling better about ourselves so we can bring something healthy to the relationship.

I did float out the idea of finding someone else as I had been looking for something more relationship focused. She said she would be open to trying someone/thing else if I wanted to. I did press about asking her if she wanted to go. She said that trying to save the marriage was not what she wanted as she didn't feel that way anymore so she wants a divorce. She knows that I want to save the marriage so she will go to support what I want.

I interpreted her as what I told her. I love her enough so that if she wants to leave, I will not stand in her way, even if it's not what I want. She respects my want to save the marriage, even if it's not what she wants. She won't stand in my way by not going. She does participate and engage during the sessions. So if all she wanted to do was go for me, I would expect her to say nothing or just throw jabs at me. She does talk about how she feels and what she is thinking when asked. She doesn't offer it freely, but I guess that's the difference between not standing in the way vs. helping.

I am thinking about broaching the topic of retrovaille as an alternate counseling. I thought about DB phone counseling as well but I'm torn. Anyone with an opinion/ideas?