I wasn't as great a husband as I thought but it's also not all my fault.
It takes 2 to make a marriage work and it also takes 2 to mess one up. You are right, it isn't all your fault.
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we didn't have the skills to work on it
Marriage is a trial and error process. Sometimes we just make more errors than can be fixed. Now YOU have the skills and know what has to be done but it is hard to get them to understand what is going on and work on themselves. They don't see things the way we do. They just want out and use any excuse to do it. If your wife is in MLC then it can get real bumpy fast.
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I wonder if I have what it takes to stick it out.
You need lots of patience. Dig deep down and pull all your strength out because you are going to need it. I dealt with my stbx's MLC for 4 years. I do believe he is still in it but I have learned there is nothing for me to do. I gave it all I had. It can be done. Make sure you give lots of space and work on yourself. I know I have become a better person thru all of this.
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Every time I think i need to move on for my own sake she throws out some kind of hint that there might be a chance for us. I guess my problem is not the lack of will power but the fear that I am misreading the situation and would be tying for something that just isn't going to be there.
Your wife may do this because she needs a security blanket. She isn't quite ready to let go but is afraid to hang on also. Don't look at it as "moving on", look at it as moving forward. You are going forward with your life and if she happens to cross paths down the road then that is great. In the process you are working on yourself. You can only take it one day at a time. Don't think too far in the future. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Just keep doing what needs to be done. In the end if things work out then great. If not, you can say you did everything you could. All you can do it try.
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Additionally, In truth when this first happened I was scared. Like many others, I was scared because I am 46 and wouldn't find someone else, might lose my time with my child, lose friends and family and I wanted to save my marriage for all those reasons.
We are all scared when our lives are turned upside down. I was the same way. I was afraid of being alone. I will be 42 this year and felt I would never be happy again. Their is happiness if things don't work out. We make our lives what they are. If things don't work out with your wife (which I hope they do) then don't fret, there is life after divorce. You don't have to lose family or friends. I understand about losing time with your child. Just make sure the time you do get to spend with her is fun. It will all work out in the end. Have faith. As my name says....stay positive.
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I have gained my confidence back, rebuilt my self esteem
That is a big step in itself. It took me a long time to build my self esteem back. It actually took a few people from the DB boards to help me do it.
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I realize I miss my wife not because I am scared. I know I could meet someone else and will be happy. Now I miss her for all the right reasons her laugh, kindness, strength, internal beauty BUT that makes it even tougher to realize that person may be gone to me forever
You will always miss the good things about your wife. But you know what, you may not have to. It is still early in your situation. You have plenty of time to work on things. Detach, get a life and live for you right now. When she sees you doing this it will intrigue her. If you sit home and she knows you are waiting for her then she knows she has her cake and can eat it too. Give her something to think about.
It is a scarey situation. I am waiting for the judge to sign my divorce papers. That is the only thing left for me then I will be divorced. Am I sad? Yes. Not sad that I wouldn't be with the man my stbx had become, but sad that the man I married would no longer be with me. He is not himself and I don't want the man he has become. I've met someone and I am happier now than I have been in a long time. Doing the only thing I can do as of now, taking things slow and living my life for ME. I still just take it one day at a time.
