Divorce looming #6

[Kenn]

"Then she asked me who I knew where I worked before. So I mentioned people I worked with and for. Apparently she used to work there. So she told me just to be fair she was going to call some people there and ask about my work habits etc. I said ok."

This is what I and most likely Sara are talking about. It is in very bad taste for her to ask this and could actually be a leading question to try and get you to incriminate yourself by not agreeing or trying to defend something you did.

I don't know the software world but there isn't a big company in the world anymore that doesn't train their people the only thing they can do is confirm that you worked there and the dates you did. There are numerous lawsuits that have been one when someone didn't get a job because of negative comments from a previous employer.

My bet is that she isn't going to call. If she was going to call she could have just called the people she knew and asked about you. Instead she asked you for the names of people. She was leading you to see how honest you would be.

That's my two cents

[K4D]

25 and DW,

I was talking about the interviewer, not my W.

Kevin

[K4D]

Hi Kenn,

She might have been leading me. I don't know. I know that she knew certain people that I knew.

I am pretty sure what you are saying is right about only being able to call and ask about dates and hireability. Thats what I was thinking.

But she has contacts there and I guess she is going to contact them personally. I don't know.

I will never know more than likely though. How would I?

Anything is possible, but I am not counting on this job.

Kevin

[jaguilar]

Kevin,

I'd like to ask you some questions about the therapy for the kids offline, can you send me an email when you get a chance - [e-mail]

[K4D]

Hey Jaguilar,

I sent you an email.

Kevin

[K4D]

Its 2am. I should be sleeping. I have a friend I worked with who calls me just about every night to talk. She lives in Dallas. Its nice to have that company. She has a boyfriend in Mexico that she hasn't seen in 3 years because he can't get back over here. She is thinking about ending it with him. But we talk alot. She got a degree in psychology and has given me alot of the same advice yall have.

She tells me it will probably be a year before me and W start really looking at friendship again. She doesn't see this D not going through. She breifly met my W one time at my SIL's softball game because she also plays softball in the same league.

She is a good friend. We had gone to lunch and dinner a few times towards the end before I headed to Tampa. I just needed a friend to hang out with since my W was never there with me anymore and she would ask me if I wanted to get together and do stuff.

But there is nothing going on with me and her. I think we just both became friends because neither of us has our other at home.

I'm not at all attracted to her before anyone gets any ideas. She is just a very nice person whom I became friends with at work.

I'm not sure why she latched onto me as such a close friend. But its good to have friends. She has invited me to lunch, dinner, her place to watch a movie and to go out dancing as friends. When I say dancing, I don't mean a night club, I mean a dance studio where their is organized west coast swing dancing going on.

Sometimes I have wondered why. But I think she just really needs a friend to. She knows I am 100% committed to my W.

So its just a friendship thing. She lives alone and has a dog that she takes everywhere.

She is just a really nice person who I think gets lonely to.

So let me ask this. Is it wrong to have a female friend that is basically single? I sometimes struggle with even being friends with her even though I am not crossing any boundaries and have been 100% up front about where I stand with my W. I'm also not the least bit attracted to her. She just seems to at least care about me as a friend and knows I am having a tough time with all of this.

What are yalls thoughts on the issue? Is it ok to have a female friend or not?

Kevin

[Sara]

Yes. It is good practice to be a friend to someone who is not a love interest. It helps you to understand what it means to be friends with a person of the opposite sex. You need to know how to be friends within a marriage too.

[25yearsmlc]

As a woman who grew up with 5 brothers and a best friend MALE, IN my wedding as a groomsmen b/c he was my best friend growing up, sure I am fine with it and my h is fine with SOME of the men... not all, but some.

But frankly, I think I"m a little bit unusual. My profession has mostly men, I was in the military and I'm used to being friends with NO strings attached, and 90% of the time it's fine. ONce in awhile, My "antennae" does not work well, so be mindful of that. If this single woman is that lonely and has rather quickly adopted you, be careful not to hurt her or mislead her. But as long as you know that even with a few drinks, you won't slip up, then for me, it's fine. And that you are fair to her. Meaning total honesty.

Sorry your kids are hurting. Yes, I'd keep my religious views to myself right now no matter how you want to spin it, it's ALL about making her wrong and I have to wonder if that has EVER brought an unhappy, free woman home...betting no.

So keep that in mind. It also makes it harder for her to think you'd take her back, so don't forget that she'lll tell her family what you say and they're remember your lflaws and how you did not honor or cherish her and they'll say you BROKE YOUR vows first...I've seen it happen.

Just focus A LOT better on the task at hand. You have to. Good luck,
(( j ))

[K4D]

Sara,

You are in Tampa? I am in Tampa right now to. Cool. We should hook up for coffee sometime before I leave. I do enjoy the Panera Bread on Dale Mabry. Let me know if you would be interested here in the next week or 2. Would be nice to talk to someone in person.

Kevin

[K4D]

25,

One of the issues that has been contentious between me and my wife over the years was that of her close relationships with other guys. I have always felt like she got a little to close to them. I will say that part of this was insecurities on my part having been cheated on in the past before I met my W and got married. Its led to numerous disagreements in the past. Infact, that was what the argument was about the night she dropped the bomb on me.

I definitely had trust issues with her being with other guys. And low and behold, now she really is with another guy. But I know that it stemmed from our marriage issues.

So I have always tried to distance myself from other close female relationships because of my own insecurities with my W. But I guess now I am seeing that its ok as long as their is a line drawn. And I definitely draw that line.

And no, even if I went out and had a few drinks, I still wouldn't be interested in having anything to do with this friend of mine or anyone else for that matter.

Its strictly a friend thing. I am willing and even happy to be friends. Nothing more.

Kevin