Lissie - when did you get so darn smart? You're a blessing.
MissH - We all get caught up in being cheerleaders for our friends, and torch carrying mobs for their enemies. Lissie and Jack have shared some sincerety here, and some deep meaning stuff.
You are our friend. It may be time to consider how much JA and his GF are enemies. Not being enemies does not equal being friends.
There really is so much out there that the little ones shouldn't have to spend too much time trying to understand. They percieve way too much already, and it troubles them in ways they often try to hide.
I think like Lissie said, you will struggle greatly, but will also find it to be easier in time. Maybe it will happen more quickly when you try to see things from the kid's view ... "when it is appropriate".
You'll always need to be the responsible loving and caring mom who watches out for them and the things they don't understand. Things that are needlessly allowed to become critical mass are things to watch for. It would be so much easier for you to examine things this way if JA wasn't a JA. If he could discuss with you whether something is potentially heading in that direction without cause, and agree to work equally to avoid it ... your load would lighten greatly. He is and he will be a JA. You may be the only one who knows him well enough to discuss the best interests of the kids this way. It wouldn't be one conversation, or a short one, but a series of baby steps worth taking when you feel it is right.
I think we are all saying the same thing. We do care about you and the children. We all want what is best for you and the children. We don't much care what bus hits JA as long as we get to ride. We just don't want the kids hurt in the crash.
Clear your mind a while and write down some blessings in your life that you have been too busy to notice. List little ones like not having to do JA laundry. List big ones like those wonderful babies. The more you can list, the lighter your heart will feel with some of this. Maybe start a new journal, a daily blessings journal that means you must give yourself a few precious minutes each day to be still and list your blessings. That list will grow. Looking back over previous lists will strengthen you. It is just one of many little tools for healing, and heal you will.
