Military H, WAW, I'm back again

[BBrown]

I need help guys. We started to try and pull things together than everything is now falling apart. The other night we went to the bar. Things didn't go well. Her friends were telling me about the OM and that she went over to his place friday. They said he was a real Ahole and had slept with over 40 women. I won't go into much detail but I got kicked out of the bar when she confronted me about talking to her friends about OM. Later at home I called the OM, he said they had sex every day for 5 months and what not. When she came over we got into a yelling match. She was throwing it into my face how he was better than me and stuff. Then I just lost it. I pushed her onto the bed, threaten suicide.... I won't go into more detail. We went to a counselor the next day.

I'm afraid she is going to leave me again. She said she is afraid of me.

How do I forgive her for being with him. I told her she needs to cut him completely out of her life and she doesn't seem to want to do that.

Any more advice? I feel hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore.

[DCBHM]

Don't lay a finger on her unless you want to lose your kids dude.

[BBrown]

I have never hurt her before, and I never will again. I didn't even realized I pushed her. I think we are done for sure now.

[BBrown]

I'm going to go meet with my MC today alone. I feel so helpless again.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

BB,

I'm sorry to still see you in all this pain. My advice to you today would be to go back and read your old threads and posts, and re-read the advice that was given to you. Maybe you can find some clues to try to get back on track.

Puppy

[sandycay]

My biggest advice..... No alcohol..... not even one.... I found out after my H and I started to reconcil that even a glass of wine could make my emotions very raw..... and it stopped the trap door between my feelings and my mouth..... I stopped for months and I don't drink that much to begin with.

I also didn't drink at all after he first left because of the same thing.....

PS.... we were stationed in GF in the 90's too

[BBrown]

I don't even really know if I want this marriage anymore.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I don't even really know if I want this marriage anymore.

I wouldn't either.

But that's not the proper question.

The proper question is, how badly do you want to try and build a NEW marriage with this woman? and how much change, fear and vulnerability are you willing to go thru to try and accomplish that?

Puppy

[BBrown]

That is the question. How can you move forward when we have both hurt each other so much? I'm not sure what she wants anymore either...

Puppy, you were right a long time ago about the OM. I figured as much, but knowing for real and assuming are two very different things I've found out.

I just hope shes put him behind for good now. She said so, but I don't know. Some reason I'm find it hard to trust her. Gee I wonder why..

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She isn't worthy of your trust right now. She's done nothing to deserve it.