Week one of my new life. Wonderful title. Words are very strong. It is wonderful to read this.
After reading what you wrote, I can totally understand your frusteration, and your hurt.
For that I am sorry. It sucks butt.
I do however, think that contacting your L for this is going to make things worse.
I think it's time to change the dance, I dunno, I think we have touched on that changing the dance thing before, and you do so wonderful at it when you don't get upset by his actions.
JA. Words are very strong. He will be JA as long as you allow him to be JA in your thoughts.
Call him by X or by his name, remove the negativity from it.
He is now your X husband. He does not owe you anything.
(very hard to accept, very hard concept to grab, very hard to removed yourself from wife roll)
She is no longer the OW actually, she is his GF.
By accepting this, it does not mean that what they DID was right.
It just means that you have removed yourself from his drama and it holds no burden on you, and YOUR NEW LIFE.
The children.
I can tell you, that it gets easier.
It is very hard yes, but it does get easier.
I used to, without even REALLY thinking about it, ask the kids questions about their visit.
So when they told me that, Oh I slept with papi and his GF b/c i was scared. My entire face and demeanor would change.
No matter how much I tried to hide it my anger. and, so many times I didn't even try to hide it very well. A change would happen.
My kids were put in a horrible position. They would put in a position to PROVE to me how much they loved me.
They should not have to prove anything. I know they love me.
It took a bunch of trial and error on my part.
I also started to figure out that they would skip certain things when they came home from a weekend with papi, b/c they didn't want to hurt my feelings.
It was my own fault. I put them in this horrible position, of putting them on guard, and them having to change the "story"
If you believe in your heart and have evidence that this woman will harm your children in any way. Then by all means do what you have to do to protect them.
If her loving your children, in anyway makes you sick to your stomach, then that is your issue, and that has nothing to do with the babies.
The babies in everyone's case have been through an emotional ringer.
Let's not be the ones to add to this stress and pain.
YES, what he did sucks butt.
YES, b/c of HIS actions none of this would of been happening.
But, it IS happening. It is the way things have turned out.
Don't ask the babies what happens over there if you do ask them.
Do you really want to get your X back on the defensive?
Do you really want your kids to notice that there is something OFF, AGAIN with mom and dad.
Do something different. Get the X off guard.
He is just waiting for you to B!tch about this, once he knows you found out again.
You are not that person, anymore mama. You are a person that has grown so very much.
Don't allow what happens on HIS time with the children to shift your footing.
PS Shecky's was great next time let's go together.
Besos amiga.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
