Retrouvaille saved me - AN #3

[AnotherNightmare]

WOM,

First of all, let me give you some input on Retro. Sara may chime in, she helped me a lot in the weeks before Retro and is still helping me.

The role of religion during the weekend and the post-sessions is relatively small. Every once in a while, the relationship to God is mentioned, the post-sessions start and end with a prayer, but that is really it. Nobody forces you to participate. Mass is offered during the weekend, but there is no obligation to go. I have to say though that even though I am not Catholic (my W is) I went to the final mass on Sunday afternoon. When we decided to go, we both considered it a quiet moment to chill out after an intense weekend, but honestly, it all came down on me during that last hour we spent on campus. It was very frightening, and I cannot explain until today what really happened there.

In any case, Retro is primarily about teaching communication. It teaches you a method of communicating your feelings (Dialogue) in a safe environment. I would almost say it teaches you emotional intelligence. The initial weekend does not teach you how to solve your problems. The post-sessions handle the more down-to-earth topics, how to move on from there and how to solve your problems eventually. Even if you do not rebuild that connection between the two of you, you both should learn something about conflict resolution and maybe take a few things with you that you can apply to a new R, whether it is a new R between the two of you or a R with somebody else. If anything, you will not be worse off after the weekend than before.

My personal situation has improved further. We have not had a setback since I last posted. We have been doing things together, we laugh, we enjoy each other a little more every day.
Last Friday, we had our first MC session together. Our C had us write down our top 3 problem areas and 3 areas of strength. We differed slightly, but were really very close. Parenting is still an issue, which we will need to address. But overall the session went really well, and I can say for myself that it helped me understand a few things even better.

On Sunday, we went to our 5th Retro post-session about conflict resolution. Interestingly, we had a lot of fun during that session when we did our Dialogue. I think we had the most fun of all the couples. We even had more fun than the couples who were holding hands on the Sunday of the Retro weekend. By that time we were far from exchanging any kind of gentleness, kindness or affection. There are still quite a few conflicts ahead of us, for example where we are going to live (US or Germany), parenting etc, but it seems like we have built a basis that is still growing to handle and resolve these conflicts at some point in the future.

Yesterday was my birthday. She had helped the kids get presents for me. Well, I received her gift early in the morning. When we were still in bed, she rolled over, started hugging me and asked me "Would you like your birthday present now?" I leave it at that...

AN