WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

Your opportunity comes when you personally break out of that married identity you've been broadcasting to the world for so long. I can see it in your post. Your so predictable, it's boring. Don't take this personal, but consider you loose part of yourself when your married. It's that part she found attractive in the first place and that's the part she can 'miss' if she could see it again.

Does that make sense to you? It took me a while to rediscover it. The ex now missis it. She's the pursuer now, but it's to late for her in my case. Many on here can probably tell you the same thing. There are some who've successfully attracted their spouses/ex spouses back only to find that dbing was more beneficial to them personally than their marriage. I don't think the authors had that concept in mind from the beginning, but it's definitely a by-product. If you can understand this concept early on, you have a good chance at success.
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I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out with you ex in you situation, but it sounded like you really made yourself fuller through the experience.

I do agree that I lost part of myself after we got married. During my DB process, as well as the fact that I got snapped out of my depression by her filing for divorce, I came to the realization that I became someone that no one would want to be with during the last several years. The irony was that at work, we used a consultant that I thought was great but everyone who worked with him hated, but since my awakening, I saw everything that my wife complained/resented about in the consultant. He is also divorced.

I know I've changed for the better. My wife told me how proud she was of me. My oldest son recognizes and tell me how he never wants me to go back to my "old ways". My buddy and his wife in CT who probably knows me better than anyone else (sad since that's suppose to be my wife that knows me best) says that they see how I've evolved into such a full person.

Problem is my wife is still unable to see past the hurt/anger that she's holding onto.

I'm disappointed/sad that it's gotten to this point. Not for myself but for my boys and my wife. It feels like we have taken it to this point in our lives where things are suppose to get easier. Unfortunately, we can't continue as a family past this point.

I hope the separation really can help