WAW1

[markhaving probs]

Last night my wife wanted to argue again. She bought some wall lights for the lounge which I was not really sure about. I condemplated on a line of conversation that was not challenging or negative. I then uttered to her that I thought the lights that were purchased were realy nice but I wm not sure whether they would go with the style of the room...what is your view? She then became quite angry and said "well this house won't be yours in a few months, so I wouldn't bother yourself with what I am buying". I could easily have gone into the fact that the house is still in joint names, I pay the mortgage and bills etc, and out of common courtesy and respect I should have been consulted. I didn't say anything excepr "ok" and walked away. I was seething inside but went upstairs and did some weight training to let off some steam.

On sunday I had re-assembled my daughters bed and re-made it so that my wife did not have to. Last night my daughter had a problem with the sheets, she told my wife who the started shouting "why is it always me that has to do everything around here. If it wasn't for me this house would fall apart. Mark, you are going to have to do this when I am not here (when I have the children on alternate weekend). Again, I did not rise to the bait and calmly walked into the lounge. Later, I asked if she wanted a cup of tea which she declined, I kept it all light-hearted though she questioned my trust again by saying that I lied about something or other. I validated her notion that I had told some lies but they were not meant ot hurt anybody and I have learnt from my mistakes. Shortly after I went to bed where my wife started again about something trivial which woke my six year old son. He said "daddy please don't row with mummy", I said "don't worry Theo we're not arguing". I am so concerned about my wife's tone of voice which is loud and argumentative which then gets perceived by the children as a row and I feel so hurt for the children when she is like this.

I do not believe there is anything I can do or say at this moment to get my wife to 'calm down' for the sake of the children. Even though I know that I cannot control or attempt to help her in any way and I must continue to concerntrate on me which, without trying to sound big-headed I feel I am doing quite a good job (though I do have the occasional backslide), I am concerned about the way it is affecting my six year-old especially.

Today at work we are moving some IT equipment so it is dress down. I took my wife a cup of tea, then from under the sheets she saw I was wearing combat trousers and a fleece. She asked why I was wearing casual clothes and I told her the reason. She uttered "mmmmmm" as if she did not believe me. I don't really know what to make of that - doesn't she trust me or it could be she is bothered about why I am wearing casuals and feels slightly theatened? Probably not but who knows?