I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow...!

[1853dave]

Thanks BrianR...

Well, we had some progress and more face time this weekend than we have had in quite a while... I hope that it doesn't scare her. We did have a nice time today, and that was genuine. I saw many experessions in her face as we got deeper into conversations... expressions that I have not seen in her in MANY months. She seemed comfortable with me, and I could tell she was enjoying the conversation, and not feeling too guarded. It was nice.

She and the kids are going to the mall tomorrow to meet a friend - friend has an eye appt, and friend's daughter will hang out with W and kids during that time. They will then get lunch at the mall, etc. This is on a day that I took off specifically because it is D9's spring break, and I wanted to spend additional time with the kids. Well, W forgot (see, she's been forgetful lately) that she promised friend to watch her daughter during her appt. So, my day with the kids got cut short. So, I asked W what was happening tomorrow, since I took the day off from work expecting family time with the kids...she apologized, reminding me that she forgot about friend's appt., and offered that I could do something with the girls in the morning, until it was time to go to the mall... I mentioned something to the effect that I'd like to be included in family things... I asked if I was expected to attend the mall thing or not (the whole thing was kinda confusing) and she told me "Well, X will be there, and then Y (her husband) and Z (older daughter) will be there too...is that ok?" "X" was the friend who helped her get the attorney, and was helping her nail the marriage coffin shut - also helped W hide credit cards, etc. I have always gotten along ok with her, and her husband, at least until this happened.... Although I will never forget what happened, and what role she played, I acknowledge that she truly thought she was helping my W (that self serving role friends will play per Michelle's books) - and I have made my peace with that. I just do not want to spend any negative energy on that issue - I have better and more positive things to do. Anyway, I told her that that was absolutely fine - I'd just like to hang with them a bit, maybe have lunch with them (I like talking to X's husband anyway). So, my W said ok, I can join them for lunch.

So, I plan to do that, and I want to go and look at books anyway, and I have plans for the afternoon in that area anyway, so it works out for me. Later today, before I left the house, W told me she'd call me to tell me what time we were all meeting at the mall, etc. She sounded ok with it...

I don't want to intervene in her time with her friend - I'll play it by ear, have fun with the kids, talk to X's husband, etc, but let the ladies kinds do their thing. I'm sure by now W has all sorts of stuff to tell "X"...(so I had better not linger too long) - I would hope it is positive or encouraging info. BTW, I picked up D9 at "X's" house yesterday after her playdate with their D9, and "X" was there - so I acted "as if" and was as cordial and friendly as usual. Again, I am not happy about what happened, and "X's" role in this, but it happened, and I am not going to hold a grudge - there's a better way to handle this, and who knows, maybe "X" will help turn my W around. If I show anger or distrust towards "X", that would probably solidify anything negative that she thinks of me already. The neat thing is that I find I don't really have to TRY to be nice to her... It comes rather naturally - I think I have actually convinced myself that this is the way to go, and I believe it is. I have already been through being mad about it - and it didn't make anything better. So, in my mind I forgave her, and I feel better about it.

I know my W knows I "should" be angry with "X", and "X" know what she did to hurt things (by trying to help ?!?) - anyway, I'm just going to leave that alone. Nothing good can come of bringing it up. Ever.

So, I have some things to do tomorrow, and I'll just wait for W's phone call, meet them at the mall and hang out for a bit, have lunch with the group, and then move on with my day. I'd like to give the W a break from me, in a sense - I don't want to be around too much for her. The past few days went pretty well, and I don't want to wear out my good luck. Besides, we have counseling on Wed evening, so we will be meeting soon enough again.

I sure wish I was back in the house though... it is so hard to be patient. When will it happen. Four weeks? Four months? Four YEARS???