Oops!!.......I think I've dropped the rope!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Ended up not going to work today (Monday). I took something to help me sleep, since I really hadn't slept in 3 days, but I was so groggy in the morning that I decided to take another day.

Went over to D's in-laws and held K for a couple hours. S17 got to hold her for the first time. D is going to meet H at the house tomorrow evening. I called D to discuss that because I didn't want her set up for more hurt. H said that he would, reluctantly, accept the idea of just moving forward with "apology", but that "they need to feel pain for the decisions they made in bringing this baby into the world when they could care for it properly". He thinks absolutely that D planned and knew she was pregnant. Because of D's past he has some reason to think that, but I don't agree, and feel that even if that were the case, what matters is our grand-daughter. H says he doesn't agree.

I had a couple of really heavy talks with him.....nothing new.....and I'm sure it just pushed him deeper into his hole. He says he just hasn't loved me for a very long time and I have to move on. I told him a lot of things but the upshot was that I would move on because the man he is is not the sweet man of honor and integrity and value for family that I loved, but I told that if he ever got in touch with that man, even if I had moved on, that I would love to hear from him because I would love him forever.

H went over to the house this afternoon and says there is evidence there that S17 and/or friends have been there again. H wants me to police the place.....but in some ways I resent that because the idea behind me going into the apartment was that H was supposed to be living there and working on it! But, now H says he is going to allow D24 and E and baby move in there, and thinks I should try to get out of my lease and move bach there with them. I'd like that, but then H said that he would finish the floors in the place, but then the other work like painting and such we would have to do.......that annoys me because he was supposed to do it. And he says if we are going to live there we should do it......which I see, but it galls me that once again he is getting out of living up to his promises!

I'm just so full, I don't know which way to turn sometimes......what else can freakin' happen now!??