WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

It was a really tough counseling session

It started as we walked into the resturant for dinner she said that she was going to sign a lease for an apt this week and wanted to know what day I can pick up the kids so she can do that. I didn't answer.

During dinner I went into how divorce is a permanant solution for a temporary problem and how I still believe the marriage can work. She said that she has no feelings for me as she didn't miss me at all this weekend. She said that she will move in April. I asked her to wait till the school year is over and she said she waited long enough. Very selfish. She did commit to continuing counseling while we were separated.

During counseling I still used my intro. My counselor went along and probed how she felt and why didn't she communicate right away. Then she probed what I was thinking and felt when I communicated about my CT trip. It was a tough discussion as what I intended to be a loving act of giving her space was delivered/recieved as a "controlling" act just like I had done before.

Then we got into what can be done differently so she would have seen it as a loving act. She said if I presented it as an opportunity and then discussed it. The strategy of shocking her backfired as I was afraid she would fight me taking the kids away for the weekend. Instead as she was resentful the whole weekend she didn't miss me at all. Arghhh!

We then talked about how I told her that I loved her enough that I'm not going to stand in her way of doing what she wanted. I didn't agree nor was I going to help either. That's where we talked about her planning on moving in April. I also asked how that helps us establish the connections or help the marriage

The we talked about how to have a loving/happy marriage. It came down to communication - freely expressing the thoughts and feelings, including the thought process.
I actually put it to use when we got home as we had to plan wrapping my 3 year old's B'day presents (he turns 3 tomorrow). We talked about when to do it and where and how. She said it was a good conversation/example of a good conversation. I will have to remember that one

Before she went up to bed, I gave her a hug. I said that I really don't want her to go but understand that she needs to. I went to break away from the hug but she held on. It was the longest hug we had for a while.

In retrospec I should have said that I don't want her to go but know this is what she wants to do. I see what I said was enabling. I have to pay attention to that one.

She did hint around to figure out how to move some furniture. I didn't offer any help/suggestions - not that dumb

Tough session. I still feel good with myself and know I'm doing the best I can. Either way I will be ok