Divorce looming #6

[K4D]

This is a long post.

Well, she didn't really ask me anything about business analyst work I have done. She wanted to know about my SME experiance, then asked me to give her a logic statement.

I said what you mean, in sql or something? Because the position said they wanted sql. She said sure. I said ok. I gave her a select statement in sql. She said she was talking about an if then statement. So I gave her a select statement with additional statement to look at first. I just wasn't thinking. Then it dawned on me. So I told her that yes I have some very little experiance with programming and using loops, etc.

Generally in a business analyst interview, they give you a scenerio and ask you what the answer would be. I could have easily answered a scenerio question. I just didn't think when she said to give her a logic statement.

Then she asked me who I knew where I worked before. So I mentioned people I worked with and for. Apparently she used to work there. So she told me just to be fair she was going to call some people there and ask about my work habits etc. I said ok.

What bothers me is I started out excellent and on top of everything at my previous job. But the last couple months it really went down hill for me because I couldn't focus anymore because I couldn't get past the D that was going on.

I don't think legally she can do that. But I can't tell her that either. So I'm pretty sure this one is sunk. I will more than likely have to wait for another one to come along.

Ok, so onto the next subject.

Me and my W had our appointment with the kids counselor tonite. For the most part it went pretty well. Although tension struck and it just reminded me how much my W really dislikes me. I brought up that I can't seem to talk to my kids alone without W being in the room or interjecting comments when I am trying to talk to them. I thought it would be an appropriate place to discuss this with the kids counselor and the kids counselor agreed that it is.

But W said that she does not trust me to be alone with the kids and not bring up stuff that she feels they don't need to hear. So she has been distrusting of me. She says I shouldn't be asking the kids anything about her. And I agreed and I haven't been. But a couple of weeks ago, for a particular reason, I asked D11 where her mom was because I was going to inquire about something. D11 told me that her mom is probably in her room on the computer yet again. From there I forgot what I was going to ask W and instead inquired about why is she still on the computer chatting every night which led to an arguement and her distrusting me more.

Then W says that D7 said her friend's parent is going to hell because her friend's parent got divorced and remarried. W blamed me for this. I said I never said that to her about her friend. I haven't even talked to D7 about her friend. W said it came from my beliefs of the bible. I said ok. I said her friend's parent is sinning while talking to W. But I have no idea what her future or fate holds. I'm not God. W said that I didn't further explain repentance and forgiveness and so forth so D7 drew these conclusions. Ok. I had just left it at if someone chooses to D and get remarried, according to the bible they are sinning. I guess I didn't go into the whole spill about everything. But again, I had been referring to me and W and that was some time ago.

So counselor asks me not to say anything about religion to the kids. I said they already know where I stand and where I get it from. I said I haven't been bringing it up. But I said if they ask me a question, I'm going to answer it. If they ask me if D is wrong, I'm going to say yes. Sorry W doesn't like that.

So W was miffed at me. But I'm not going to back down on my stance just to make W happy with her stance. But W feels like she can supervise me, and she can't. I could just as easily say her beliefs shouldn't be brought into the equation either. I didn't. The counselor said that she can contradict my beliefs. I said yes, she can. I'm not trying to control anything W says so why is she trying to control me and my beliefs with my kids.

The bottom line is W wants everyone to accept her lifestyle as fine and her decision. Well, it is her decision. But I don't have to be fine with it, and I don't have to tell my kids its fine.

I did tell the counselor that I think W is doing a good job with the kids considering the circumstances. But W is there for them.

The counselor said the kids are starting to experiance some problems that is normal and comes with D. I'm sitting thinking yup. So we went into that a bit. They are starting to show some issues from this. D11 is working harder on feeling like she has to make everyone happy. D7 is having nightmares. But hey, W is loving life now. Thats what matters right?

Me and W talked a bit more and I told her I don't want tension between us. And she said that its only been this last week that my emotions have finally gotten in check and that it will take time. I had mentioned to the counselor that I would like to find a way where we can still do things as a family without my W feeling tension and pressure by my mere presence. She suggested we take co-parenting classes after some time has passed.

Probably the biggest contention issue between me and W as far as beliefs go is that my belief is that you can't be forgiven of a sin that you are actively committing until you quit committing it and show true repentence for it. That is my belief. And yes, the kids know that. My W's belief is you can sin all you want until the day you die and be forgiven of it then. And that is her belief. And thats true if you A. are lying on your death bed and get that chance, and B. you truly are repentent. But what if you don't get that chance? What if you die in a car wreck? So my W says well, what if you do die in a car wreck. Surely there has to be some forgiveness of the sins you committed that day before dying unexpectedly. I said well, hopefully you didn't do anything bad enough that day that yes, I would agree. She said all sins are equal. Ok, looking at the bible, there were different punishment levels of severity depending on the sin. But ok. Yes you can be forgiven of it all. Either way. It doesn't change the fact that if something is wrong, its wrong. It doesn't mean you should go do something just because you can be forgiven of it. Romans chapter 6 talks about that. Don't sin so that grace will be brought upon you.

Alright, before I get hammered by everyone accusing me of being holier than thou... I am merely stating the differences between our beliefs. And this seems to be a major issue with W because of the lifestyle she has chosen now.

Everyone has beliefs. Those are mine and hers and they differ now. They didn't use to. But they do now.

So I finally got to talk to my kids alone without W in the room after the appointment. D11 opened up to me for a change. She said that the D is really bothering her. I said keep faith in God and put it in his hands. I told her mommy loves her and daddy loves her and she will always be taken care of. I told her do not worry about the D. Its beyong her control. She said ya. She said nobody can control it except mommy and that means mommy has to forgive daddy for his mistakes and realize that daddy is working to try and make things better again.

I didn't quite know what to say to that. So I said just pray and worry about you. I said don't worry about anyone else right now. Just take care of you and do the best you can. I again told her I love her and can't wait to see her.

Then I talked to D7. She didn't have much to say. Nothing really on her mind. She was just upset that mommy said she was going to buy her a littlest petshop thing and didn't. I said oh well. Maybe mommy was busy or just forgot. It happens. Don't worry to much about it.

The world of a kid.

Oh, and during the appointment tonite, W did say that D7 has been telling her that she misses me and wishes I would come home.

W did say things are much more peaceful at home now with just the 3 of them and that there is no more tension in the home anymore.

I can't believe I blew that job interview. Ugg. I was really hoping to do well on that. I had studied the right stuff about it and she just totally thew me for a loop.

There will be other opportunities. I think I was just really ready to get moving with life and get set up and start having my girls.

Interesting that W noted that I am finally not showing her emotion anymore and that I am acting stable now to her.

If this locks up this thread, I will go ahead and post Divorce looming #7.

Kevin