OMG Thinker!!
Thank you!! Thank you for sharing that with me!! Not that I'm happy you shared my exact same pain, but because share my pain with me. \:\( It sucked to read that crap. I have no idea when it was written but it could have been around Christmas time which he said it was and pointed out to me "W, you even said we were in a different place in December." And we were, but that only makes the crap I read a little bit easier to deal with.
Today I got another one and I should have just let it go, but this one seemed to be more recent, like in the last month, after the burglary. That one REALLY sucked to read. We got into a fight and he said again something like "The marriage can't be saved." I spoke with my therapist about it. She said "You have to let him know you are grateful for the apology." She agreed whole heartedly with AJ that was a BIG BIG deal. So I called him and apologized. He was sort of blah with me, which really really set off my last nerve, but I held it together and said bye.
Later, after I tennis, (I lost my doubles match ) I went to get S from our place where H is living alone. And I walked in told S to say bye bye asked where his shoes were and grabbed him and left. I said Bye and he said Bye with a sort of WTF? tone to it. Then of course, S says he wants an "icee" which is that frozen sugar water. So I went back in and got it, H was in the living room, asking "Why are you mad?" I said "I'm not, I have to get S home to bed, it's after 9." Again "Why are you mad?" Again, "I'm not." "Did you win?" "No." "Why are you mad?" "Again, I'm not, but I do want to get him home and take a shower and I want to go to bed too." "Well, OK, I don't need 3 phone calls tonight." "You won't be getting them from me." And I left and again, he said "Bye" with the WTF? tone.
So I thought I did well there. I really wasn't mad, I just wanted in and out. I want to detach. And I feel good that he was concerned I was mad. That's a good thing, isn't it?
Tomorrow, there is no reason for us to see or speak to each other. So I'm going dark for the day. I have S tomorrow. H has him on Wednesday again. Then I have S Thursday and H takes him this weekend starting at 6:30. He said something about going to see his parents this weekend because he has his fantasy baseball draft and that's hours long and done online. I did nothing to offer to help watch S. He thinks he wants the Big D.....he needs to see what S is like for 48 hours. To this day, and this is my fault, H has never had S for 24 hours alone, more over an entire weekend. I constantly jump in and help. NO more. H has son for this weekend and next because he had a golf tournament last weekend, so I decided to be nice and just take him and therefore giving H two weekends in a row with S. We'll see how it goes. If H doesn't go out of town, I might, so I can't buckle.
I need to detach because I need to turn my brain off. I don't want to think anymore right now.
And here's something: What do I do if he wants to ML? He often does. And frankly, I miss it too. We've never had a problem there. My therapist says do it, keep him close. But I'm torn.