My most humble and honest answer--- I want him to be someone he is not. I want him to love me. I want him to be the dad that he used to be. I want him to get help for his depression and to heal.
Then let him go Pam. You have to truly let him go and if he makes those changes for real and reenters your life, great. That is if you have not found something else that takes your heart by then. Otherwise why would you pursue something that does not currently meet your criteria for healthy?
Right now, stop the talking. Stop trying to look for the magical button that will fix him, it's not your job and you have not the power to heal him.
I see far to many times people that search so hard for the person that they fell in love with that they overlook the distinct possibility that he/she is actually gone. You want so bad to see the good that you are willing to tolerate things that you would bitch slap others for tolerating, this is the definition of self destruction.
I absolutely hate watching solid, good hearted, and intelligent people suddenly turn into exactly what they never wanted to be. Pam, step back from this, change the names in the story and see what you are really looking at here. Take the personal out of it and strictly look at this factually and see what you would recommend to someone else.
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None of those are in my control. And all the words in the world won't make them. I do understand that. Now I just need to keep working on shutting the hell up.
YEP, and moving forward at the same time. Do not simply shut the hell up and stand still, thats like watching the train coming and not getting off the tracks....doesnt make sense right?
