I picked my W up from the airport as planned - S4 in car, others waiting at home with my mother. She was waiting by the curb as I pulled up and jumped into the passenger seat immediately.
One of my thoughts recently is that I have been and often am too passive - waiting to make sure something is OK and that I am not going to rock the boat or anger anyone before just doing something -- so as she leaned over to say Hi and give me a friend-style hug, I told myself "just do it" and leaned in to kiss her instead. She turned her head quickly so I got her left cheek. I said "Hey, come back here" and I tried again as she looked toward me -- this time I got her right cheek. Still calm, I reached over, gently turned her head toward me with my hand and kissed her on the lips.
She said nothing and I joked about "giving me the cheek" - an old joke between us because the very first time we kissed (first date) she panicked when I leaned in to kiss her and I got her cheek. We have made jokes about it ever since.
I'm glad I did it - if only for myself, as it got me out of the "Should I, Shouldn't I insecurity I have been in when we are together recently. I want to take the initiative and "Do" in my life and my R rather than worrying about the reaction of my W or of others so much.
Not sure how she took it though - no real reaction one way or the other.
We talked for the drive home about her Mom who has not been doing very well and about my W's work, which is the only reason she came home today rather than staying for a few more days.
She also asked (in a probing sort of way as if she thought I would be upset) if it was OK if she went out with a friend on thursday night. She thought I would be upset since we have a babysitter that night (scheduled long ago), but I replied to her that although I would rather do something together with her, I wouldn't stop her, and if she was going to go out with the friend then I would keep the babysitter and also go out - just let me know so I can make plans one way or the other.
She did not respond, so I guess I'll find out later which she chooses.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
