It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

Thanks BND and Snodderly for your words of wisdom.

I don't believe he is playing racketball either Snodderly, he would have mentioned it. It was his way to dodge the subject which is repeated over and over and over in his behavior through this whole crisis. He can't look me in the eyes and tell the truth, but it's ok I am not going to waste anymore time on it.

It was yet another opportunity to open the door for my h to tell the truth, but he won't, he doesn't have it in him. It's more important for him to be secretive than to tell the truth.

You are right BND I so wanted to restore my M and didn't want to accept my h truly for who he was, but the receipts thing really opened my eyes. I know he is going through the drive thru and not eating inside and it's always for 2 not one person. It's interesting though, he made such a big deal of not allowing food in his car, but I guess that's all changed at 5am. There was also several occassions where he went back around 10 or 11am to the same location.

I would like to say I don't care, but yes I do and that is why it hurts so much and I realize that he just doesn't have it in him to care what I think. When he is here he acts like he cares, but then I get a glimpse of reality. Driving who knows who around at 4 or 5am, but what does it matter anymore. Like I said before, there is no room for me right now in h's life.

All I ever here from h is how all he does is sleep and how depressed he is, but that doesn't appear to be the case. It sounds like he has a pretty active am life and has found someone to eat with him on a daily basis. All I ever wanted from him was to be an honest man. H and I used to have many phone convos all hours of the night, you would think he would call sometime just to talk, but not the case.

I am just so dissappointed. BND I really wanted my h to be someone different. I really wanted to believe in him and what he was saying. I wanted him to find God so much. I wanted my m to be restored like that movie Fireproof.

I will try the teabag suggestion Naej. Thanks all for listening to my despair. I am sorry if I sound down. I am just dealing with the grim reality ahead for me and h on this journey.

I do not regret treating h with love and respect. It is the better way and at least we can go on and co-parent as friends and not enemies.