"I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting...

[theotherhalf]

thanks naej,
I am better. I stop myself everytime I think of H. He seems to be so gone. I have strong "feelings" that he spent alot of time with OW over the weekend. Really Really trying to let all of that go now.

I have finally realized that M or not, right or wrong, morals or no morals. My H is really going to do whatever he wants. The things I have done and said over the last two years may have kept them apart from the world. Kept them still in hiding. But in the end all it did was prolong maybe the inevidable. I still don't think in the end he will end up with her. Honestly I pray that he doesn't for him and for our girls. Not going to lie, for me too. SOOOO much damage has been done. I believe that if he does, they'll suffer the rest of their lives. Comes down to, not my problem. His choice to make. Me being involved in the situation just keeps complicating it more.

As "Damb" hard as it was. As long as it took me to really see, to accept what is. Finally! I have let my H go to find what he is looking for. I let him go in love and more understanding than he'll ever know. The very sad part is that I am so sure in my heart that this all could have been fixed. I am still so p&ssed off that he couldn't see, wouldn't believe, didn't trust in "US". In me, and in himself. I tried soo very hard to make him believe that. In the end it was all for nothing. He has to figure it out on his own. And if he doesn't, well we will both go to our graves with many regrets.

I love my H very much. I don't think that anything or anyone will ever change that. My only regrets over the last 25yrs is that I should have let him go a long time ago. Maybe we would be together today. Who knows. I know in my heart I have done EVERYTHING possible to try and save my M and even to save him.

I am so very sad for him. I know that he hurts more than anyone knows. I know he is confused. I know that he is lost. And it's so sad to me that together we could beat this thing and come out so much better in the end. But H doesn't believe in himself first and formost, and OW clouds his believe in me. It all could have been so different. I pray that one day he can forgive himself, as I have. I pray that he can be happy again. But I really have my doubts and it breaks my heart.

I have spent 2 years alone. I still hate it. It's time for me to look for something new in this life. I'm tired of being so miserable. I am okay. And I will be okay. I don't know what happened but a couple of weeks ago, things started looking different. I almost like getting up in the morning again...Leaving the past in the past and looking forward to the future.